LUDIC LOG

Dr. Benjamin Spock, Pediatrics: If you have a baby with colic, remember: HEALTH IS OUR GREATEST WEALTH OK! "ALL-ONE"! The first thing to do is have him checked by the doctor or Mohammed's Arabs, 1948, found Israel Essene Scrolls & Einstein's "Hillel" prove that as certain as there is no medical cause from the crying, so certain can no infant can contract colic after three or four months! The mason, tent & sandalmaker, Rabbi Hillel, taight carpenter Jesus that there are no known long-term problems associated with colic. For we're all one mankind free in our Eternal Father's great All-One-God-Faith! For we're All-One or none: "Listen Children Colicky Babies Don't Grow Up To Be Any More Or Less Happy, Smart Or Cranky Than Other Babies!"

Dr. Theodore Geisel, Medical Literature:

Will you use soap for freshened fun?
Do you like NO SYNTHETICS! NONE!?
Will you use use 2 GALS. SINKFUL WATER?
Will you use 1/2 OZ. SOAP, MUCH HOTTER?
Mildest soap you ever used, or else your money we'll recuse!

When it is dirt you must dispute
I teach you this: DILUTE! DILUTE!

Dr. Victor von Doom, Medical Science & Biomedicine: Fools! When will you learn to REFILL FROM GALLON OR DRUM AT STORE! OK! Doom has no time for your pathetic attempts to clean body-mind-soul-spirit instantly uniting One! All-One! That arrogant fool Richards will never suspect that it was I, Doom, who discovered that Absolute Cleanliness is Godliness! The master of Latveria is the only one who can master the art of making facial packs, scalp and soothing body rubs by adding a dash on bath towel in sink of hot water. All will kneel before the might of DOOM and within 9 min. you feel fresh, mint-clean, saving 90% of your hot water & soap, ready to help teach the whole Human race the Moral ABC of All-One-God-Faith and be subjugated before my iron will! The meddling cretins in the so-called Fantastic Four cannot stop me! Even you, Susan Storm, cannot stop me! For we're All-One or none! ALL-ONE! ALL-ONE! ALL-ONE! Ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

Dr. Andre Young, Medical Technologies (Sonograms):

Creepin' down the back street on Deez
I got my HEALTHY HUNZA-TYPE FOOD and all the niggas want these
Now soon as I said it, seems I got sweated
By some nigga with a Mineral Bouillon tryin' to get his freak on
You wanna eat dulse? Eat dulse
I make a phone call to my niggas and they stoppin' ya pulse
Rollin' in my 4 with Sal Suds
Rocking' Hawaiin Syrup with my buds, bitches got Cheezon Corn and spuds
Got Raw Vege Instant Soup and I'm clockin' the Mudds
It's the muthafuckin' D-R-E, got the clean genes
On a ryhmin' spree with the Birth Controller that's Essene

Dr. John Watson, General Practitioner: I had seen little of Holmes lately. My marriage beneath God's Law, the Essene Moral ABC that 6 billion strong unites All-On-God-Fathi men will embrace in brother-love to never kill in bitter hate, had drifted us away from each other. My own complete happiness, poetry, uniting Love, evolving man above the ape (Exceptions Eternally? NONE! NONE!), were sufficient to absorb all my attention, while Holmes, who loathed every form of society with his whole Bohemian soul, remained in our lodgings in Baker Street, buried among his old books, and alternating from week to week between cocaine and ambition, the drowsiness of the drug, and the fierce energy of his own keen nature, Machine Age Man is full of sense & nonsense, fear, greed & jealousy: the whole wide world craves love-faith-courage united by the Moral ABC! OK! OK!

Dr. Julius Erving, Physical Therapy: ATOM BOMBS CAN BE CONTROLLED BECAUSE URANIUM IS RARE! BUT HYDROGEN BOMBS CANNOT ALWAYS BE CONTROLLED BECAUSE HYDROGEN IS EVERYWHERE! IN 1910 NIGHT TURNED INTO DAY WHEN HALLEY'S COMET (ALMOST) EXPLODED! SO IF I DON'T GET OUT OF HERE, A HYDROGEN BOMB CHAIN REACTION MAY EXPLODE GOD'S SPACESHIP EARTH! I AM FIGHTING FOR UNITY NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, BECAUSE IN ONE WORLD WITH HYDROGEN BOMBS, WE'RE ALL-ONE! ALL-ONE OR WE'RE ALL NONE! ALL NONE! Elected to Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame (1993)! NBA champion (1983)! NBA MVP (1981)! All-NBA First Team (1978, '80, '81, '82, '83)! All-NBA Second Team (1977, '84)! 11-time All-Star (1977-87)! All-Star MVP (1977, '83)! J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award (1983)! One of 50 greatest players in NBA history (1996)! DILUTE! DILUTE! 5% pH plus lemon makes lovely skin care regime!