Call intercepted by NSA wiretap.  Transcription by Agent Berwitz.  Dated 01/11/07, 11:39AM CST.  See attached files for details.

Of course not, Director.

Everyone still remembers you, Director.

Yes, six years is a long, time, but you...what?

No, of course not, Director.  Just look at how long it was between the Star Wars movies.

Well, I didn't either, but they made a lot of money, is my point. 

We did send you a birthday card, of course!  We just don't have your current address, that's all. 

No, I swear to you, director, by the beard of the Prophet!  Also a singing candy-gram!  We couldn't get the refund back. 

Well, of course, Director, if you feel it is time for another message to be sent, then another message will be sent, insallah.  It's only that your choice of targets is...

No, I wasn't going to say that.

Maybe that is what you think, Director, but I can assure you there was no such stuff in my thoughts.

I would not dream of it, Director.

No, of course, I would not like to plan all the actions from this point forward.

I am more than familiar with the idiom of sarcasm, Director.  All right, then, I will just shut up and let you talk for once, of course.

Uh huh.

Uh huh.*

Uh huh.

What...oh, you don't want to know what I think, Director.

Humor you?  Well, if I must, insallah.

I...it is a wonderful plan, Director.  Certainly an action of that nature would bring the infidel to his knees.  I only question the, er, well, the practicality of the target.  Is all.

Well, for one thing, Director, it is rather large.

Of course it was.

No, absolutely I am not attempting to take anything away from that action.  It surely made the world quake before the sword of Mohammed.  But that was only two towers.  This would be, what, eight entire islands.  We would need, I would guess, something like 75,000 planes.

I am not for a moment questioning the devotion of your followers, Director.  Nor your own planning acumen, which I scarcely need tell you is legendary.

Nor am I questioning the will of Allah, no, Director.

I must say I did not consider the possibility of ramming the islands with boats.  But again, we would need a rather large number of boats.

Yes, certainly, it is the very symbol of western decadence and imperialism.  Yes, it would play havoc with their faithless vacation plans. 

Its...its religious significance, Director?  There, I am afraid you have lost me.

The what?

Oh, yes, of course!  No, Director, that would be Salt Lake City.

No, I am not making it up.  Look on Wikipedia.

I'm sorry, Director.  Yes, of course, do continue.

Well, I suppose you're right, Director, the simultaneous destruction of the entire area would be a staggering blow to the great Satan.  But such a thing, even with the will of God, has never been done.

What?

Well, yes, that is true, Director.  But in that circumstance, it took nearly their entire combined imperial naval and air forces, and even then, they destroyed only a single naval base, not the whole of the Hawaiian Islands as you propose. 

You do indeed have a point, Director, it is the last thing they would expect.

Er, yes, of course.  All right.  Yes, of course, see you on Wednesday for bingo.  Yes, he is great. 

*:  Note to comedic neophytes:  this is an ancient and well-regarded laffs-getting technique known as "padding".  You try it!

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