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THE INDICES
Some choice selections from the archives of the Ludic Log

THE BEST OF THE LUDIC LOG:
  the best of the Ludic Log

THE CRAPPYS:  
a celebratory selection of the world's worst food

THE DIALOGUES: 
humorous back-and-forths

THE GEEK INDEX:
  recaps of comic book encyclopediae

RECEIVED IDEAS FOR A NEW MILLENNIUM:
  a compendium of cliches for our times

BILLY'S PRISON DIARY:  
a collection of thematic short fiction

HIPSVILLE: 
selections from an aborted urban novel

THE GUNS OF CAMELOT:  genre fiction for your inner geek

ADVENTURES IN REFERRAL
a daily assortment of random search engine queries leading people to the Ludic Log in the past 24 hours

"larousse"

"our god is an awesome god he reigns from"

"pabst bowling shirt"

"modok series tru nyc"

"he laid an egg"

"Training Session Wide Receiver"

"LJ's Martini"

"what are you doing sister cum"

"crazy larry's 3D incest"

naked gothic chicks"

01.17.2007


There are certain things that we, as comic book geeks, must be prepared to do. 

We must be prepared to spend a lifetime defending the choice to read, as adults, books that most people stop reading when they are 11.   We must be prepared to be continually jerked around by publishers who, frankly, are not particularly interested in intelligent readers as a demographic.  We must be prepared to either accept near-constant stupidity from our medium of choice (thus admitting to ourselves that our tastes are extremely retrograde) or be continually frustrated by that medium's inability to regularly deliver product of any quality (thus admitting to ourselves that we are on a lengthy and unproductive fool's errand).  And we must be prepared to have girls think we are big fat creepy losers, even if we are not big and/or fat.

Most of all, though, we must be prepared to spend lots of time -- and lots of money -- not only reading, but actively seeking out, comics with dialogue like this:

"What irony!  Now that I can see her face -- I'm the one who's masked!  This promises to be a real mixed-up situation!"  (Batman, Batman #165)

"Gosh, Green Lantern -- you're taking me to the theater and we're using your power ring to get there!" (Lois Fuller, Showcase #23)

"That's a real hip quip, Wonder Woman!  I know the score now -- you bet!" (Snapper Carr, Justice League of America #2)

"Gang -- if we don't get our new teen-age clubhouse, we'll...we'll go on strike!"  (Eddie Corliss, The Brave and the Bold #54)

"Later, as a bewildered Superman relaxes by playing super-chess with a giant robot he has built as a playmate for himself..."  (narrator, Action Comics #241)

"Atomic radiation?  Wait!  I'm getting an idea!  One of our weapons against villainy is the experience we've all had fighting it!  I recall fighting a scientist with a split personality -- the evil portion of which fed on atomic radiation!  All I need is a chance to test my theory that this menace is a similar evil split personality!"  (Green Lantern, Justice League of America #17)

"So okay!  The Now Generation wants its idols to be swingers -- and I'm just betting that old Cap can swing with the best of them!  First thing I'll do is get rid of this nowhere costume!  All I've got to do is chuck it down the incinerator!  So -- why can't I bring myself to do it?   Okay, okay -- don't get uptight about it, Rogers!  So I'll hang on to it a while longer!  It's as good as wearing love beads!  What's the difference as long as I cut outFirst thing tomorrow -- I buy some wheels!"  (Captain America, Captain America #128)

"This Man-Thing number could be my ticket to sanity.  If I can convince my ever-lovin' publisher to send Peter Parker south for a photo-feature on that bog-monster -- I'll have bought myself a free-wheeling vacation!"  (Spider-Man, Giant-Size Spider-Man and the Man-Thing #5)

"UrrrkkkEstupido!  Do you think to defeat me so quickly?  I trained to become my country's Captain America -- a man of mucho machismo -- a truly gran hombre!  No one is greater than the Tarantula!"  (The Tarantula, The Amazing Spider-Man #148)

"Poor Dr. Gorbo.  Sometimes I think he must be as lonely -- as discontented as I am.  And yet, I'm always putting him down.  He's always tried to be friendly with me.  Why don't I stop in and visit with him for a while?  I'll leave these reports -- about Project Earth Dig -- with him.  He might enjoy studying them." (Julia, Captain America and the Falcon #135)

"I could shrink myself so small as top be invisible while John Jones blows me toward our secret sanctuary where our other selves have gone!  Becoming microscopic in size, I could enter our dream selves' brains undetected and unfelt -- and perform delicate 'operations'!  (Editor's note:  What Ray Palmer has suggested is entirely possible!  Modern medical techniques can perform amazing brain 'surgery' by applying electrical stimulation to many partsof the brain!)"  (The Atom, Justice League of America #19)

"But what a super-dream!  I can prove that, if he were ever elected, Superman would become one of our most honored presidents!  I'll write it up!"  (Jimmy Olsen, Superman #122)

"Wonder Girl, track that giant ear...maybe it'll lead you to the rest of the Separated Man!  Keep in touch by walkie-talkie!"  (Robin, The Brave and the Bold #60)

"This is a movie set, made for the science-fiction picture Giants from Ganymede!  Those golden giants were props used in the movie!  The movie stunt men manipulated them by wires from helicopters during the filming of the picture -- but there's no need for wires now!  They've come alive!"  (Green Lantern, Justice League of America #4)

"You see, Pieface, the mere fact that you looked at the map would cause your brain to retain a memory of it."  (Green Lantern, Green Lantern #2)

"This is not 'frivolity'!  The grounds are mined with explosives!  One wrong move...and the place will automatically blow up!"  (unnamed criminal, Batman #166)

Yes, this is all just stalling because I don't have the next issue of All-New OHOTMU.  Shut up.

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"Beauty is composed of an eternal, invariable element whose quantity is extremely difficult to determine, and a relative element which might be, either by turns or all at once, period, fashion, moral, passion." (Jean-Luc Godard)