ADVENTURES IN REFERRAL a daily assortment of random
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01.17.2007
There are certain
things that we, as comic book geeks, must be prepared to do.
We must be prepared to spend a lifetime defending the
choice to read, as adults, books that most people stop reading when
they are 11. We must be prepared to be continually jerked
around by publishers who, frankly, are not particularly interested in
intelligent readers as a demographic. We must be prepared to
either accept near-constant stupidity from our medium of choice (thus
admitting to ourselves that our tastes are extremely retrograde) or be
continually frustrated by that medium's inability to regularly deliver
product of any quality (thus admitting to ourselves that we are on a
lengthy and unproductive fool's errand). And we must be prepared
to have girls think we are big fat creepy losers, even if we are not
big and/or fat.
Most of all, though, we must be prepared to spend lots
of time -- and lots of money -- not only reading, but actively seeking
out, comics with dialogue like this:
"What irony! Now that I can see her face -- I'm the one who's masked! This
promises to be a real mixed-up situation!" (Batman, Batman #165)
"Gosh, Green Lantern
-- you're taking me to the theater and we're using your power ring to get there!" (Lois
Fuller, Showcase #23)
"That's a real hip quip, Wonder Woman! I know the score
now -- you bet!" (Snapper Carr, Justice
League of America #2)
"Gang -- if we don't get our new teen-age clubhouse,
we'll...we'll go on strike!"
(Eddie Corliss, The Brave and the
Bold #54)
"Later, as a bewildered Superman
relaxes by playing super-chess with a giant robot he has built as a
playmate for himself..." (narrator, Action Comics #241)
"Atomic radiation? Wait!
I'm getting an idea! One of our weapons against villainy is the
experience we've all had fighting it! I recall fighting a
scientist with a split personality
-- the evil portion of which fed on atomic
radiation! All I need is a chance to test my theory that
this menace is a similar evil split personality!" (Green Lantern,
Justice League of America
#17)
"So okay!
The Now Generation wants its idols to be swingers -- and I'm just betting
that old Cap can swing with
the best of them! First thing I'll do is get rid of
this nowhere costume!
All I've got to do is chuck
it down the incinerator!
So -- why can't I bring myself to do
it? Okay, okay --
don't get uptight about it,
Rogers! So I'll hang on to it a while longer! It's as good as
wearing love beads!
What's the difference as long
as I cut out? First thing tomorrow -- I buy some wheels!" (Captain America, Captain America #128)
"This Man-Thing
number could be my ticket to sanity.
If I can convince my ever-lovin' publisher to send Peter Parker south
for a photo-feature on that
bog-monster -- I'll have bought myself a free-wheeling vacation!" (Spider-Man, Giant-Size Spider-Man and the Man-Thing
#5)
"Urrrkkk! Estupido! Do you think to
defeat me so quickly? I
trained to become my country's Captain
America -- a man of mucho machismo -- a truly gran
hombre! No one is greater than the Tarantula!" (The Tarantula, The Amazing Spider-Man #148)
"Poor Dr.
Gorbo. Sometimes I think he must be as lonely -- as discontented as I am. And yet,
I'm always putting him down.
He's always tried to be friendly
with me. Why don't I stop in and visit
with him for a while? I'll leave these reports -- about Project Earth Dig -- with
him. He might enjoy studying
them." (Julia, Captain America and
the Falcon #135)
"I could shrink myself so small as top be invisible
while John Jones blows me
toward our secret sanctuary where our other selves have gone!
Becoming microscopic in size, I could enter our dream selves' brains
undetected and unfelt -- and perform delicate 'operations'! (Editor's note: What Ray Palmer has suggested is entirely possible!
Modern medical techniques can perform amazing brain 'surgery' by
applying electrical stimulation to many partsof the brain!)" (The
Atom, Justice League of America #19)
"But what a super-dream! I can prove that, if he
were ever elected, Superman
would become one of our most honored presidents! I'll write it
up!" (Jimmy Olsen, Superman
#122)
"Wonder Girl, track
that giant ear...maybe it'll lead you to the rest of the Separated Man! Keep in touch
by walkie-talkie!" (Robin, The
Brave and the Bold #60)
"This is a movie set, made for the science-fiction
picture Giants from Ganymede!
Those golden giants were props used in the movie! The movie stunt
men manipulated them by wires from helicopters during the filming of
the picture -- but there's no need for wires now! They've come alive!" (Green Lantern, Justice League of America #4)
"You see, Pieface,
the mere fact that you looked
at the map would cause your brain to retain a memory of it."
(Green Lantern, Green Lantern #2)
"This is not 'frivolity'! The grounds are mined
with explosives! One wrong move...and the place will
automatically blow up!" (unnamed criminal, Batman #166)
Yes, this is all just stalling because I don't
have the next issue of All-New OHOTMU.
Shut up.
"Beauty is composed of
an eternal, invariable element whose quantity is
extremely difficult to determine, and a relative element which might
be, either by turns or all at once, period, fashion, moral, passion."
(Jean-Luc Godard)