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LUDIC LOG

He's lean. He's mean. And he'll bathe in the wringings of your spleen. For seven years, Roland Balishnikov, b.k.a. Laraoch the Dungeoneer, split sticks and cracked skulls as the chief skin-beater (and skin-wearer!) of Judecca. During that time, he reigned black-metal thunder on a legion of devoted demoniacs from behind his jet-black Tamas. Until now, Laraoch has never granted and interview about his time with the ruling overlords of Godthrottle and his controversial departure from the band, but Nocturnal Heathen finally tracked him down at his ritual killground just north of the Beverly Center Shopping Promenade and he reluctantly agreed to answer some long-buried queries.

NH: First of all, Laraoch, thanks for agreeing to the interview.

RB: You can call me Roland. It'll help people remember my new band, Roland Balishnikov's Cold Steel Flotilla.

NH: Taking on a new project after being in America's greatest black metal band has to be a daunting proposition.

RB: I've always been up for a challenge, whether it's delivering crushing beats to a Norway-cold Minneapolis goth club, dethroning the pretender Jehovah from the throne of Odin, or producing my girlfriend Rebecca's trip-hop CD. I won't say that people are going to forget Judecca after the Roland Balishnikov's Cold Steel Flotilla Record comes out, but I do say you will hear things that will redefine what black metal means.

NH: Like what?

RB: Vibraphone. Covers of Herbie Hancock songs from the late 1970s. Spoken word pieces about the power of Satan to compel tanning. You name it. The age of black metal passes into the mists of history. Long live the era of prog-metal fusion.

NH: You were always the strong silent type in the Judecca days. Even in the band's heyday, after the huge success of the 30,000-unit-shifting Spilling the Soda of God CD, you rarely made public appearances and never granted interviews. Why so tight-lipped?

RB: Well, first of all, I felt that (singer/songwriter) Philotantis' lyrics did the talking for the band as a whole. Once you've heard "Frigid Bomb of Pagan Justice" or "Dagger Up the Strap of Christ", what really remains to be said? And unlike a lot of posers in the black metal scene, I was never out for personal glory. I let my playing, and the horrible welts on my forearms, wrists and elbows, speak for themselves.

NH: Any truth the the rumors that Philo is gay?

RB: Look, people read far too much into our stage names. I mean, not that we didn't put a lot of thought into them, but in the early days, before we had developed a comprehensive mission statement, we were like as not to just get ripped on Everclear and pull a name out of the Theatrum Diabolorum. Just because the real Philotantis was a demon of sodomy and pederasty doesn't mean that Philo is gay, any more than Count Grishnakh is a real count, or King Diamond was made of diamonds, or Euronymous was European.

NH: The big question. Why the split? You left Judecca at the peak of their success.

RB: In the years since I quit Judecca, there's been endless speculation. I've heard all kinds of crazy conspiracy theories. That I had put a dwoemer on Haristum because he kept cribbing basslines from Mayhem. That my girlfriend Rebecca was the Yoko of the group and told me to quit because Judecca wouldn't let her play the Fairlight. That I was allergic to corpsepaint. That Philo kicked me out for liking the Deathwatch Beetles. That I wouldn't tour Denmark because I kept getting them confused with the Dutch. All lies, except for the thing about corpsepaint.

NH: So what was it?

RB: Same thing it always is. Money. They figured they could save my share of the royalties by replacing me with an electric typewriter and putting a brick on the keyboard.

NH: So, the same way that Incanticle from Fleshcrawl and Lord Oubliette from the Deidix lost their gigs.

RB: Yeah. Fucking electric typewriters. Now I know how the Luddites felt.

Hey, loyal Ludic lesers! The one-year anniversary of this dubious artistic endeavor is only 13 days away. Send in your requests, ideas, or suggestions by clicking on the e-mail link below, and the best of them will be 'immortalized' right here for one week, starting on the 3rd of February.