WORST POSSIBLE...

…TV SHOWS

Everybody Loves Reamin'
She's the Sharif
The John Etiquette Show
Edwood
Carnivóre
Trading Kidneys
America's Next Top Mobster
Drawn (and Quartered) Together
Car 54, What the Fuck Are You Talking About?
Simon & Simony
3rd Rock in My Urine
Gary Hartpence, Gary Hartpence
P.C.P. Sharkey
La Bataillétoile Gallica
Match Game '07: Your Face and My Ass
My So-Called Internet Child Pornography Sting Operation
Get (Jean) Smart! (I'm Casting A Lifetime Network Original Movie!)
Petit Mal Junction

…BOOK TITLES

Sam Malone Dies
As I Lay Diane
A Day in the Life of Dirty Sanchezovich
Tom Poston Always Rings His Agent
He's Just Not That Into Jews: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Hitler
The Cold Six of Budweiser
Oblomov Tarkin
The Headless Whores, Man!

…BAND NAMES

ChapStik Lesbians
Shut Up and Take Your Chertoff
The Monie Loves of Dobie Gillis
The Jesus and Mary Chain Store
Cities On Flame With Rock and Roll And Also Fire
# Foolish
Inoueback Machine
Hispanic Mannix Causing Panic
Snakes on a Burning Airline Bite You More
They Might Have Gigantism
Pede ser que sean Sabado Gigante
Gram the One-Eyed Snake
Roy In Clingfilm: The Novel: The Band
Taco Cabanananarama
Del tha Funkee Homosapiens' Taco
Pizzahutto 5

…MOVIES

Lie On the Witch in the Wardrobe
The Man Who Dressed Liberty Valance
The Good, the Bad and the Whoopsie
V for Vin Scully
They Shoot Horse, Don't They?
Shrimping with the Enemy
'Ginatown
Bad Fanta
Axl Rose IS Morton Feldman in ROCK!-o Chapel!
Bring Me Faygo with a Head, Garcia
Crack a Window, East of Java

…MOVIES (BONUS ROUND:  TYPO THEATRE)

The 400 Blogs: A young French boy must suffer through the trauma of reading all his friends’ LiveJournals.

The Big Sheep: Gritty noir action as Phillip Marlowe uncovers a case involving drugs, pornography and bovine growth hormone.

Deaf Man: A re-imagining of the Old West through the ears of a mild-mannered traveler who cannot hear the dire warnings of death that await him.

Dr. Strangerove: The unbelievable story of a madman in the employ of the government who involves his country in a horrible war for no good reason.

Jules and Him: An essential document of the French New Wave, documenting a love triangle involving a shy Austrian writer and some other guy.

The Killing of a Chinese Nookie: Wen Jiang Xao cannot get it on with his hot girlfriend because of all the noise coming from the strip club next door.

Most in Translation: Ralph Malph becomes confused and irritable while shooting a commercial for Pocari Sweat.

R: Fritz Lang's harrowing masterpiece about the pursuit of a petty shoplifter.

My Mento: A philosophical treatise on the nature of memory unfolds as a mysterious man searches for his lost breath mints.

Night of the Living Dad: Horror strikes Pittsburgh as 'weekend visitation' is revealed to mean 'sit in the car while Daddy drinks with his new special friend'.

Triumph of the Dill: Controversial documentary about German herbal supremacy.

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"To me, literature is a calling, even a kind of salvation. It connects me with an enterprise that is over 2,000 years old. What do we have from the past? Art and thought. That's what lasts. That's what continues to feed people and give them an idea of something better. A better state of one's feelings or simply the idea of a silence in one's self that allows one to think or to feel." (Susan Sontag)