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LUDIC LOG
01.27.2005

It has recently come to my attention that even today, in the 21st century, at the height of the Information Age and in a time of complete media saturation, some ethnic, racial and national groups are still sadly lacking in derogatory terms, stereotypes, and easy identifiers for simply and hassle-free prejudgment.  This will not stand.  The management of this site refers you to the following guide so that you need never be caught short while traveling again. 

GROUP:  Icelanders
DEROGATORY TERM:  Bjorks
STEREOTYPE:  Frigid (women), wimpy (men), easily baffled (all)
STARTING POINTS:  geothermal energy, marinated fish dishes, and the inherent superiority of Swedes.

GROUP:  Ecuadorians
DEROGATORY TERM:  Cuaddies
STEREOTYPE:  short and fat (women); accident-prone (men); foul-smelling (all)
STARTING POINTS:  bad discotheques in Quito; inherent inferiority to Bolivians and Peruvians; anger over lack of equitable fishing trade laws.

GROUP:  Moldovans
DEROGATORY TERM:  Moldies
STEREOTYPE:  swimming with social disease (women); ancient and decrepit (men); speak an incomprehensible jibber-jabber (all)
STARTING POINTS:  how they folded like a hotel chambermaid during the Crimean War; undesirable status of the Black Sea as a vacation spot; poor quality of airlines.

GROUP:  Timorese
DEROGATORY TERM:  Timorons
STEREOTYPE:  webbed toes (women); spatulate feet (men); only one nostril (all)
STARTING POINTS:  resemblance of national identifying adjective to "timorous"; are to Suharto as Poles were to Hitler; bizarre and little-understood affiliation with Iceland

GROUP:  Mauritanians
DEROGATORY TERM:  Scuts
STEREOTYPE:  violent against houseplants (women); morally lax in matters of accounting (men); unable to pronounce the word "shelving" (all)
STARTING POINTS:  uncertainty as to whether they are black or not; suspiciously colonial name; confusion as to whether this, Madagascar and Mauritius are the same place or not

GROUP:  Ainu
DEROGATORY TERM:  Ainuses
STEREOTYPE:  bad tattoos (women); oversized testicles (men); have to kill a guy for no reason on their 16th birthday (all)
STARTING POINTS:  look like white people but act like Japs; can't build cars or afford them; have to kill a guy for no reason on their 16th birthday

GROUP:  Marshall Islanders
DEROGATORY TERM:  Henkels
STEREOTYPE:  really bad at football (women); superfluous third nipples common (men); radioactive (all)
STARTING POINTS:  America's nuclear dumping ground; poor phone service; still letting that guy Marshall push them around even after his last album was a dud
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