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LUDIC LOG
01.27.2005
It
has recently come to my attention that even today, in the 21st century,
at the height of the Information Age and in a time of complete media
saturation, some ethnic, racial and national groups are still sadly
lacking in derogatory terms, stereotypes, and easy identifiers for
simply and hassle-free prejudgment. This will not stand.
The management of this site refers you to the following guide so that
you need never be caught short while traveling again.
GROUP: Icelanders DEROGATORY TERM: Bjorks STEREOTYPE: Frigid
(women), wimpy (men), easily baffled (all) STARTING POINTS: geothermal
energy, marinated fish dishes, and the inherent superiority of Swedes.
GROUP: Ecuadorians DEROGATORY TERM: Cuaddies STEREOTYPE: short
and fat (women); accident-prone (men); foul-smelling (all) STARTING POINTS:
bad discotheques in Quito; inherent inferiority to Bolivians and
Peruvians; anger over lack of equitable fishing trade laws.
GROUP: Moldovans DEROGATORY TERM: Moldies STEREOTYPE: swimming
with social disease (women); ancient and decrepit (men); speak an
incomprehensible jibber-jabber (all) STARTING POINTS: how
they folded like a hotel chambermaid during the Crimean War;
undesirable status of the Black Sea as a vacation spot; poor quality of
airlines.
GROUP: Timorese DEROGATORY TERM: Timorons STEREOTYPE: webbed
toes (women); spatulate feet (men); only one nostril (all) STARTING POINTS: resemblance
of national identifying adjective to "timorous"; are to Suharto as
Poles were to Hitler; bizarre and little-understood affiliation with
Iceland
GROUP: Mauritanians DEROGATORY TERM: Scuts STEREOTYPE: violent
against houseplants (women); morally lax in matters of accounting
(men); unable to pronounce the word "shelving" (all) STARTING POINTS: uncertainty
as to whether they are black or not; suspiciously colonial name;
confusion as to whether this, Madagascar and Mauritius are the same
place or not
GROUP: Ainu DEROGATORY TERM: Ainuses STEREOTYPE: bad
tattoos (women); oversized testicles (men); have to kill a guy for no
reason on their 16th birthday (all) STARTING POINTS: look
like white people but act like Japs; can't build cars or afford them; have to kill a guy
for no reason on their 16th birthday
GROUP: Marshall
Islanders DEROGATORY TERM: Henkels
STEREOTYPE: really
bad at football (women); superfluous third nipples common (men);
radioactive (all) STARTING POINTS: America's
nuclear dumping ground; poor phone service; still letting that guy
Marshall push them around even after his last album was a dud
TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD: "You do not need to justify asking
questions. But if you think you have found answers, you do not
have the right to remain silent."
(Jacob Neusner)