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01.28.2007
I drink Haterade. I'm a compulsive masterhater. I'm from
Port-au-Prince, Hatey. I'm going to start up a hatering company. I'm
going to audition for the lead in Der Hatermaus. My favorite
NFL team is the Oakland Haters. My favorite band is Hater-Kinney. My
favorite grocery store is Hater Joe's. I like to cook up a big plate of
Hater Tots.
I don't love. I don't adore. I don't
idolize, worship, or become devoted to. I don't dig, grok, get in
tune with, or dig. I haven't got warm feelings. I don't
make fuzzies. I ain't down with kissing and hugging and getting
to first base. Motherfucker, I don't even like. I hate.
People call me Stiv Hators. My feelings are
hatant. When I march, I call the hatence. I'm from Hayton,
Ohio. I'm a haterosexual. I ain't gonna disappear but you
can still call me Judge Hater. They wouldn't let me try out for
the Olympics because there's no such event as speed hating. My
favorite movie is Manos: The
Hands of Hate. My favorite TV show is Starhate: SH1. I go to
work every day on the Haten Island Ferry.
My whole life is subject to prosecution under hate crime
statutes. I taught my parrot to say "pieces of hate". I go
down to the park to play "H-O-R-S-E", only I leave out one letter and
change the other two. When people call "Hey!" to me on the
street, I wait for them to finish. I'm into haat, haine,
Haß, μίσος, avversione, 憎悪, 혐오, ódio, ненависть, and
odio.
I don't abate, aerate, send things air freight, talk
about the stuff I ate, take the bate, be a bedmate, up the birthrate,
wear a breasplate, call you cheapskate, declare checkmate, autochelate,
find a cognate, check and collate, go on a blind date, clear out the
dead weight, lose the debate, try to filtrate, mononitrate, or help you
uncreate. Sometimes I berate, castrate, and up the death rate,
but mostly I just hate.
I hate the player. I hate the game. I hate the
venue. I hate the fans. I hate the officials. I hate the media. I hate
the marketing. I hate the licenced merchandise. I hate the allied
trades. I hate the business. I hate the rules. I hate the history and
tradition. I hate the season. I hate the awards. I hate the fantasy
league.
I kinda like the food.
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