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THE INDICES
Some choice selections from the archives of the Ludic Log

THE BEST OF THE LUDIC LOG:
  the best of the Ludic Log

THE CRAPPYS:  
a celebratory selection of the world's worst food

THE DIALOGUES: 
humorous back-and-forths

THE GEEK INDEX:
  recaps of comic book encyclopediae

RECEIVED IDEAS FOR A NEW MILLENNIUM:
  a compendium of cliches for our times

BILLY'S PRISON DIARY:  
a collection of thematic short fiction

HIPSVILLE: 
selections from an aborted urban novel

THE GUNS OF CAMELOT:  genre fiction for your inner geek

ADVENTURES IN REFERRAL
a daily assortment of random search engine queries leading people to the Ludic Log in the past 24 hours

"fat presidents"

"supergirl bodypaint"

"journal of modok studies"

"rouge the bat nude"

"fuckeroo"

"acoustic all-stars live at the birchmere"

"old man take a look at me now"

"chaldean.com"

"x-men wolverine fucking rogue"

"ascii potato"

01.28.2007

I drink Haterade. I'm a compulsive masterhater. I'm from Port-au-Prince, Hatey. I'm going to start up a hatering company. I'm going to audition for the lead in Der Hatermaus. My favorite NFL team is the Oakland Haters. My favorite band is Hater-Kinney. My favorite grocery store is Hater Joe's. I like to cook up a big plate of Hater Tots. 

I don't love.  I don't adore.  I don't idolize, worship, or become devoted to.  I don't dig, grok, get in tune with, or dig.  I haven't got warm feelings.  I don't make fuzzies.  I ain't down with kissing and hugging and getting to first base.  Motherfucker, I don't even like.  I hate.

People call me Stiv Hators.  My feelings are hatant.  When I march, I call the hatence.  I'm from Hayton, Ohio.  I'm a haterosexual.  I ain't gonna disappear but you can still call me Judge Hater.  They wouldn't let me try out for the Olympics because there's no such event as speed hating.  My favorite movie is Manos:  The Hands of Hate.  My favorite TV show is Starhate:  SH1.  I go to work every day on the Haten Island Ferry.

My whole life is subject to prosecution under hate crime statutes.  I taught my parrot to say "pieces of hate".  I go down to the park to play "H-O-R-S-E", only I leave out one letter and change the other two.  When people call "Hey!" to me on the street, I wait for them to finish.  I'm into haat, haine, Haß, μίσος, avversione, 憎悪, 혐오, ódio, ненависть, and odio. 

I don't abate, aerate, send things air freight, talk about the stuff I ate, take the bate, be a bedmate, up the birthrate, wear a breasplate, call you cheapskate, declare checkmate, autochelate, find a cognate, check and collate, go on a blind date, clear out the dead weight, lose the debate, try to filtrate, mononitrate, or help you uncreate.  Sometimes I berate, castrate, and up the death rate, but mostly I just hate.

I hate the player. I hate the game. I hate the venue. I hate the fans. I hate the officials. I hate the media. I hate the marketing. I hate the licenced merchandise. I hate the allied trades. I hate the business. I hate the rules. I hate the history and tradition. I hate the season. I hate the awards. I hate the fantasy league.

I kinda like the food.


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