LUDIC LOG

In the history of every long-running show, the writers run out of ideas and they rehash moderately successful ideas of the past into what is known as a "clip show". Fans dread this sort of thing. Luckily, the Ludic Log has no fans.

Here, in ascending order of popularity, are the 20 most accessed files in the one-year history of the Ludic Log.

#20: A Male Void Speaks Out. A hackjob literary biography of Cerebus writer and artist Dave Sim, in the hackjob-literary-biography style of Cerebus writer and artist Dave Sim. Probable reason for popularity: comic geeks.

#19: Be Sure To Wear A Flower In Your Hair. Details of my February 2002 trip to San Francisco. Probable reason for popularity: my friends in San Francisco, checking to see if I mentioned their names.

#18. I'd Like To Spank The Academy. My Oscar picks. Extremely amusing. Probable reason for popularity: reference to porn mavens the Dark Brothers; occurence of phrase "naked Kate Winslet".

#17: Trendspotting. Hostile review of the film Trainspotting many years after its release. Probable reason for popularity: Trainspotting remains a popular film, despite sucking; not one but two references to Quentin Tarantino.

#16: Thank You For The Music: Delightful "whatever-happened-to" romp regarding popular bands from the current author's long-vanished youth. Probable reason for popularity: reference to Husker Du frontman Bob Mould as malodorous homosexual.

#15: Enlightened Racism. Politically-motivated screed about mistreatment of middle eastern musicians by passengers and crew on airline flights. Probable reason for popularity: page hit by all 83 people in America who care about anti-Arab racism.

#14: Inside The Rappers' Studio. Attempt to make amiable suck-up James Lipton look foolish by positing an interview between him and Wu-Tang mainstay Method Man. Probable reason for popularity: Wu-Tang Clan ain't nuttin' ta fuck wit'.

#13: White Flight In Smallville. Imaginary documentary regarding gradual ghettofication of the home town of Superman. Probable reason for popularity: piece was commissioned by Brainslug mastermind Christian Claiborn, whose readership is in the millions.

#12: Running Out Of Great Movies. Review of fictional pornographic film as if it were written by a highfalutin art critic. Probable reason for popularity: numerous references to pornography.

#11: I Keep Repeating, It Takes A Beating. Essay on demented, mysterious outsider musician Jandek and his bizarrely entertaining albums. Probable reason for popularity: linked on unofficial Jandek website; read by all 92 Jandek fans on the planet.

#10: Good Analogies. Parody of overblown, hysterical anti-drug ads which attempt to associate casual drug use to terrorism. Probable reason for popularity: people searching for phrase "burn an Afghani infant to death".

#9: Hello, My Name Is... Review of concert by phenomenal Chicago noise-rock band My Name Is Rar-Rar. Probable reason for popularity: My Name Is Rar-Rar is fucking incredible.

#8: The Schizoid's Revenge. Review of essay collection concerning difficult post-modernist philosopher and literary theorist Gilles Deleuze. Probable reason for popularity: who doesn't love difficult post-modernist philosopher and literary theorist Gilles Deleuze?

#7: Channeling Postel. Piece in which internet pioneer Jon Postel confesses from beyond the grave that the worldwide web was designed as a pornography delivery vector. Probable reason for popularity: proximity to article on difficult post-modernist philosopher and literary theorist Gilles Deleuze.

#6: The Sound Of Hummers Must Never Stop. Hilarious attempt to portray woman who comes to LA to become a porn star and ends up, to her shame, as a celebrated actress. Probable reason for popularity: numerous references to pornography.

#5: The Tootie Monologues. Bemused treatment of rotating cast of popular theatrical performance The Vagina Monologues. Probable reason for popularity: six mentions of the word "vagina".

#4: On Tape. The first Ludic Log entry, a meaningless bit of puffery about audiobooks. Probable reason for popularity: marks the exact point at which the reader loses interest in the website.

#3: White House, Green Door. Script for imaginary pornographic film based on Bush administration cabinet members. Probable reason for popularity: numerous references to pornography, Condoleezza Rice.

#2: Mr. Big Dick. Article in which I wax rhapsodic about my male generative organ, which I dubiously claim is thirty-three inches in length. Probable reason for popularity: piece is entitled "Mr. Big Dick".

#1. Black Like She. Horrible ad hominem attack in which I accuse neo-conservative harpy Ann Coulter of being a vile racist. Probable reason for popularity: Ann Coulter, racism extremely popular.