LUDIC LOG

Some things I like today:

1.) FOOD.

Mountain Dew Code Red (it's the GHETTO SODA! it's the HACKER SODA! it's for people who are COMPLETELY FUCKING INSANE!); those tater tots with cheese on them you get at Sonic; White Castle sliders; green bean salad with "Eye-talian" dressing; any breakfast food from Stuckey's; Original Texas State Fair Brand Corn Dogs; Deluxe Goo Goo Clusters.

2.) MUSIC.

Porter Wagoner, especially when he's singing about going crazy or killing people; Bill Monroe and His Bluegrass Boys; Flatt & Scruggs; "Thunder Road" as sung by Robert Mitchum; any song featuring werewolves; Arthur Lyman; that album of Christian rap music that Mr. T recorded.

3.) ON THE ROAD.

Anyplace that just says "Eat" or "Cold Beer"; Rip Griffins truck stop (or Flying J in a pinch; never Petro); 500 miles of malodorous oil rigs in West Texas; a little joint on the old 666 just outside Douglas that sells religious tracts and 36 flavors of ice cream; crossing the Mississippi; Florida highways that turn into swampland without warning.

4.) TEEVEE.

Faith-healing shows with Benny Hinn; public access cable shows featuring retards, religious fanatics or drunken old blues singers; "Petticoat Junction"; PBS home university courses that only get broadcast at 4:00 AM; "The Neighbors"; "Peyton Place"; the USA Network's late, lamented "Kung Fu Theater".

5.) POSSIBLY ILLEGAL.

Iron City Beer; consuming lots of nutmeg for a cheap and legal high; people who come up with wacky, zany schemes for robbing convenience stores; guys who send their 14-year-old kids to buy smokes for them; driving 35 miles to buy beer because you live in a dry county; tipping over a scab's car; plastering punk rock flyers up all over the place in some 19th-century cowtown before the cops get you.