LUDIC LOG

"Head."

"Anthony."

"Green."

"River."

"Water."

"Evian."

"Sing."

"Ruben."

"Dead."

"Joan River's career."

"Long."

"Howie. Radio Shack commercials. Married to that one woman from Lois & Clark."

"Just one word, please. Ship."

"UPS. What can brown do for you?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What -- why are you asking me what?"

"Is this still part of the test?"

"No, I meant, what do you mean by that brown question?"

"Oh. It's the UPS slogan."

"Please try and give only one-word responses. Pay."

"Why? Is our session over already?"

"No, no.. That's the next word."

"Oh. Uh...Friends."

"Window."

"PBS."

"Friendly."

"Fred."

"Cook."

"Peter."

"Ask."

"I thought I was supposed to answer."

"That's the word."

"Oh. Hmmm. I can't think of anything."

"Cold."

"Password!"

"Stem!"

"Can I just say that 'password' was for 'ask'?"

"Fine."

"$27,500."

"No, I meant, that's fine, I understand. Dance."

"Fever."

"So...what was your response to 'cold', then?"

"Play."

"You didn't say play."

"I'm pretty sure I did."

"I don't have it written down anywhere."

"I think I'm lost. Can you read this back to me?"

"I'm not a secretary, Ms. Cohen. I'm trying to help you with your problem. You want me to help treat your television addiction, and I'm not going to do that by playing a Three Stooges routine with you."

"Abbott and Costello."

"We're not doing the test now, Ms. Cohen."

"No, I know. It's just that this is really more like an Abbott & Costello routing than a Three Stooges routine."

"Shall we resume the test?"

"Because, you know, they did a lot of wordplay. Deliberate confusion of ambiguous language. That sort of thing."

"You're still being billed for this session, you know."

"If it was a Three Stooges routine, we'd be slapping each other."

"It's tempting."

"I'm sorry. We can go back to the test."

"Village."

"Number Six."

"Lake."

"Justin Timber."

"I'm afraid we're out of time."