LUDIC LOG

CONVERSATION BETWEEN MYSELF AND THE MAN IN THE SEAT NEXT TO ME, ON A FLIGHT FROM CHICAGO TO SAN FRANCISCO.

(All quotes except mine guaranteed genuine)

MAN: What's that you're reading?

ME: It's "The Differend: Phrases in Dispute", by Lyotard. Although now I'm talking to you instead of reading it.

MAN: Wow. What's that about?

ME: I don't think you really want to know what it's about, but are just trying to make conversation. Therefore I am loath to tell you: it is literary theory. The reason I don't want to tell you is that my answer will provoke a follow-up question -- "what's literary theory?" -- which I don't want to address. For you see, I would rather read my book than talk to you, and answering your questions would result in more talking to you instead of less.

MAN: What's literary theory?

ME: It's a kind of philosophy. Here, allow me to explain it in the dullest possible terms so that you are not tempted to ask any further questions.

MAN: That's interesting. Are you traveling to San Francisco on business?

ME: Damn, I had not counted on the power of the conversational non sequitur. You must be more desparate than I thought. It's too bad this isn't a train, or I could just go sit somewhere else and read. Although I am really a hateful, small person, I retain enough vestiges of social nicety not to simply say I don't want to talk to you, but read instead. I am traveling for pleasure, not business. Please, feel free to ask me what I do for a living, as I believe that is next in the Bore Repertoire. I anticipate that you are in sales.

MAN: That's great. I'm on business myself; I'm in sales. What line are you in?

ME: Well, as you may have surmised from my unpleasant demeanor, shabby clothes, and obscure reading materials, I am an unemployed loser.

MAN: Yeah, the economy is in bad shape right now, I hear, although we're doing well at my firm. My numbers are way up, and I just got a promotion! Do you live in Chicago?

ME: The Geography Game, is it? Well, if we must, we must. Yes, I live in Chicago. How are things in the suburbs, or possibly Lincoln Park, which is where you live?

MAN: My wife and I just bought a house in Highland Park. It's a real change from living in the city, though, I can tell you.

ME: Yes, I imagine that it's a real shift, having to drive rather than walk to the nearest Starbucks. However, allow me to once again mention that I am an unemployed, impoverished loser, in hopes that my total lack of economic mobility will act as a warning that I have no networking worth and a disincentive to further conversation.

MAN: You know, it's funny, but I'm going through sort of a career 'midlife crisis' myself, even though I'm still young! Ha ha. I don't know if I want to be in sales...I want to do something I really love, like advertising or publishing. I always thought I'd have a real passion for advertising.

ME: How about that! I myself wish that I could kill myself rather than listen to you for another second.