And now, it's time for everyone's favorite fun game, SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST BINGO!  Bring this card with you to all badge-only events.  First to get a bingo receives a free CD by the band that gets the most hype and then is completely forgotten within eight months!

B-7:  Overdressed record industry guy with exposed chest hair talking non-stop into a Bluetooth earpiece

B-14:  Woman over 40 years old wearing belly shirt and chain-smoking Camels

B-6:  Extremely tall tattooed girl with dreadlocks waiting to be discovered by Suicide Girls photographer, making out with her curiously short boyfriend

B-12:  Bewildered-looking paleta vendor attempting to sell lime-flavored Mexican frozen dessert to bleary-eyed clubgoer at 9AM

B-11:  Roky Erickson

I-26:  Pale-skinned art student/bass player from Brooklyn wearing black tapered jeans with a 24 waist and a 36 inseam

I-23:  Drunk guy in trucker hat who crowds his way onstage and sings along with band

I-19:  Post-post-post-ironic haircut

I-22:  Blitzed-out shithead at the front of the stage area who has taken about nine ecstasy pills and thinks everyone in the club has come not to see the band, but to see him dance

I-16:  Robyn Hitchcock

N-35:  65-year-old hippie who smells like corpse-sweat and canned peaches, directly competing with band on stage by playing Strawberry Alarm Clock on an acoustic guitar that hasn't been turned since Nixon was vice-president

N-44:  Young Asian girl wearing full-on Sailor Moon drag in apparent belief that SxSW is a sci-fi convention

FREE SQUARE:  Homeless?   Or hipster?

N-32:  Fat dude with thrift store t-shirt walking a small, cute dog and thinking that it will make girls interested in him, when really they will only be interested in the dog

N-33:  Morbidly obese bouncer trying to catch his breath after having to move the velvet rope stand

G-51:  23-year-old lead singer of Williamsburg band who is acting like a total prick to everyone he meets because that's the image a self-confident rock star needs to project, even though he is signed to tiny label based in garage of guy from Corona del Mar, CA and has only sold 1100 records

G-55:  Jaded music journalist/label hack fumbling around for her last Kool and hoping the band hasn't drunk all the Diet Cokes

G-48:  Local drug dealer making his entire year's worth of rent in one week

G-54:  Les Savy Fav

G-47:  Bewildered-looking electrician who has no idea that there's an event going on and wonders why parking fees have tripled all of the sudden

O-73:  Minor TV news reporter doing a live broadcast from local used record store and trying to think of something hip to say to the guy next to him who's buying a Gorgoroth album

O-63:  Badly aging former party girl who wears a lot of pancake makeup to disguise her vanishing septum, and who hasn't heard about the decline of rave culture so is still sporting a pacifier and a whole arm wrapped in flexible glo-stiks

O-64:  Hulking former frat guy with huge beer belly, no shirt, and a Red Hot Chili Peppers tattoo vainly attempting to start a mosh pit

O-70:  Nervous-looking hip-hop band trying not to stray very far from their hotel

O-69:  Cynical-looking Pitchfork stringer loudly complaining to anyone who will listen that SxSW has really gone down the shitter and desperately hoping that no one ever finds out that this is actually the first time he's ever gone, and before this, the biggest live music event he ever covered was GermanFest in Milwaukee

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