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03.28.2002
I would have made a great
William Vollman, but William Vollman beat me to it. After all,
I'm demented and cranky, a good writer and a bad editor, a nifty
stylist who piles image on top of image and stops just short
of overload, an unrepentent postmodernist who makes no pretense
of writing comic books in the shape of novels, and a half-overeducated
junk-culture addict with just enough scientific knowledge to
be dangerously useless. But there's really only room for one
William Vollman in the world, and maybe not even that.
I would have made an excellent
Dr. Dre, but Dr. Dre beat me to it. After all, I'm hostile and
of questionable sanity, I'm a skilled beatminer but a terrible
musician, I play to my strengths but don't know my limits, I'm
self-aggrandizing but unconfidant, and I'm a sort-of badass standing
in the middle of a vast field of fake badasses and real basasses.
But there's really only room for one Dr. Dre in the world, as
the inexplicable career of Timbaland profusely illustrates.
I would have made a fine
Robert Altman, but Robert Altman beat me to it. After all, I'm
acerbic and self-deprecating, I love movies but I hate Hollywood,
I've made a career out of being underappreciated, I have a great
deal of talent but absolutely no judgement about how or where
to apply it, and I'm fat, aging and surly. But there's really
only room for one Robert Altman, and frankly, even I'm not dumb
enough to have directed "H.E.A.L.T.H."
I would have made a terrific
Alan Moore, but Alan Moore beat me to it. After all, I'm creepy
and vulgar, I'm incredibly well-read but remarkable uneducated,
I'm obsessed with saving a juvenile and underappreciated medium
from itself, I'm given to making bewildering and often-misinterpreted
pronouncements about my bizarre personal beliefs, and I'm so
concerned with aesthetics and so unconcerned with economics that
I make disastrous financial decisions. But there's really only
room for one Alan Moore, and besides, I don't think I could stand
more than five minutes in Dave Sim's company.
I could have been a genius.
But the job was already taken.
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