As a freelance writer, I often have a great deal of research to do on a particular subject in a very short period of time.  While I strive at all times to be professional and double-check all factual matters before going to press, an occasional error will slip through.  I would like to offer, with regrets, the following corrections to some of my recent pieces.

- In a piece on ecotourism for Conde Nast Traveler, I stated that there was outstanding surfing to be had near the village of Dharn Siep, on the island of Koh Rong Samlon.  In fact, Dharn Siep is located on the nearby island of Koh Polaway.

- In a piece for Living History, while discussing the difficulties facing recent eastern European immigrants who attempt to assimilate to American culture, a passage on page 27 stated that "Slovenians are in the habit of eating their second-born children".  It should have read "Slovenians are in the habit of beating their second-born children".

- In a piece for Auto Trader, some readers inferred from paragraph three that I do not believe front-side airbags are effective safety measures, and all those who do are moronic dupes who don't understand the first thing about engineering, physics, or even basic human communication.  I regret the inference; I meant, in fact, to state this opinion boldly rather than imply it subtly.

- In a review of Cream for Madness' new CD in Paste magazine, I stated that lead singer Hannah Karen Loisel was a whore-born lowlife junkie pig who would sell her own mother for the price of a dirty needle, and if she had any less talent at singing, songwriting or musicianship, an entirely new system of negative mathematics would have to be invented to describe it.  In fact, Hannah Loisel's middle name is Joan.

- In a piece on political corruption at the San Antonio Department of Sanitation for the Express-News, I stated that Commissioner Elias Gomez had taken kickbacks from private contractors in excess of $3 million in exchange for favorable bidding status, and also that he was a were-pigeon who fed on the blood of babies who had been abandoned in recycling bins.  Although my source for this information, Cacklin' Joe of the Behind-Fuzzy's-Liquor-Store Joes, has been a reliable informant in the past, it appears that he delivered flawed data in this particular case.

- In my recent book, Squatcilia:  Europe's Colossal Post-War Economic Dynamo, I made two errors on page 1 of Chapter One:  first, the Nazis did not win the Second World War, and also, there is no such country as Squatcilia.  The remaining 748 pages should be read with these facts in mind.

- In a recent article for Comic Book Resources, I stated that due to market fluctuations and collector-dumping, Captain America #1 from 1941 was now worth only $1.27 in mint condition.  This is not, in the strictest sense, true, nor is it true in any other, more generous, sense of the word "true".  All those who sold me their copies of Captain America #1 after the publication of the piece will receive a hand-signed and authenticated letter of apology from the magazine.

- In my piece for Catholic Woman Today regarding the healing power of prayer, I neglected to mention that God and the soul and Jesus and the Virgin Mary are just a bunch of made-up bullshit.  Without this piece of information, none of the article makes any sense whatsoever; however, Catholic Woman Today has refused to honor my requests for a retraction until I remove the word "dumb-ass", in reference to the magazine's readers and the Pope.

- My piece on the fantasy league trade value of ex-New York Yankee Alfonso Soriano was meant to appear in USA Today SportsWeekly, not in The American Journal of Tentacle Rape Studies.

- Strictly speaking, the parts of my article in New Scientist -- "Vitaly Ginzburg's Nightmare of Depravity" -- where I claim that the Russian physicist who won the Nobel Prize in 2003 for his work on superconducter theory has become involved in methamphetamine abuse and human trafficking are not true.  However, since they form the only substantive parts of the article other than his name and age, I stand by the claims.

- In my Wall Street Journal opinion piece where I handicap the presidential race, all the information contained therein is completely accurate.  However, the headline should be changed to read "Who Will Win the White House in 1972".

- In my piece on the upcoming Criterion Collection re-release of Ozu's Tokyo Story, the paragraph dealing with the mutant vampire attack refers to an early unreleased cut of the film.  This footage will not, unfortunately, be included on the Criterion disc.

- My New York Review of Books critique of Mark Danielewski's novel Only Revolutions should not have referred to the writer as "a big homo".  It should have referred to him as "six big homos". 

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