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04.04.2002
Yesterday, as I'm sure
you know, was the Ludic Log's 2-month anniversary. Our staff
appeared in Ludic Syndicate Irresponsibility Parades throughout
the nation to commemorate Anniversary Day (I myself was scheduled
to act as the Grand Marshal of the Boston parade, but there was
some unpleasantness; let's just say that there is a substantial
difference, of which I was not informed beforehand, between the
office of Grand Marshal and the office of Field Marshal, and
that the appelation "fighting Irish" is a gross overstatement).
The traditional folk dancing, kickboxing tournaments and eating
of the ham-and-Coca-Cola log were all carried out in the usual
high spirits, and thanks to a generous incentive program of cash
and travel bingo cards, were unmarred by the terrorist attacks
that have bothered all the major public gatherings of the last
few months or so.
I personally hope that
your celebrations were as enjoyable as ours; in Boston, the surprise
appearance at the lighting-of-the-public-relations-executive
ceremony of the Wu-Tang Clan was an absolute delight, and to
quibble that Halley Eisenberg is a less than vigorous replacement
for Ol' Dirty Bastard would be sheer Scroogery. San Francisco
added their own unique egalitarian touch to the Anniversary Day
ceremonies, choosing to replace the eating of the ham log with
a town hall meeting in which the different ways the log does
not meet the needs of various segments of the community were
discussed. And here in Chicago, a city very close to the hearts
of Ludic Syndicate upper management, children were encouraged
to unearth the skeletons of Prohibition-era victims of organized
crime, and then to inter them again in new locations.
But in the 21st century,
the anniversary celebration is truly a global affair, and people
around the world got in to the spirit of the festivities. In
France, each person in the city of Toulon was encouraged to list
at least five ways in which they, or any Frenchman, are superior
to the staff here at World Headquarters, and in North Korea (where
Anniversary Day is known as "Celebratory Moment of the Counter-Progressive
Backslider"), specially deputized and outfitted Zealotry
Monitors urge the citizenry to monitor themselves for insufficient
ludic fervor and, if they find themselves guilty, to come up
with a creative and appropriate punishment.
Of course, as with all
major holidays, media saturation and commercialization reared
their ugly heads. While we appreciate the high profile we receive
from the wall-to-wall media coverage, several members of the
staff thought that Tom Brokaw rooting through our dumpsters was
a bit excessive, and our comptroller would like Mr. Brokaw that
he needs that medication to live. And the attempt to capitalize
on the joy that people feel on Anniversary Day with cheap novelties
is quite reprehensible, and the people at Trojan should be ashamed
of themselves. But these minor trifles aside, it was an incredibly
successful and pleasurable holiday. (And a special note to Ms.
Thatcher: thanks for a lovely evening -- and I mean lovely. But
ain't no way that shorty mine.)
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