LUDIC LOG

Location: located entirely within the mind of Mr. Leonard A. Pierce, Jr.

Official tourist bureau motto: "It's better here!" (TM)

Climate: Usually sunny, in the mid-80s, and controlled by gigantic hidden machines. Occassional blizzards for picturesque or dramatic effect.

Time of day: The middle of the night most of the day, changing to mid-morning and then late afternoon. The last known early afternoon was over 62 years ago.

Land area: Theoretically infinite, as it moves in synchronicity with its Prime Minister. Practically speaking, about three-fourths the size of the U.S.A., plus all of outer space.

Population: 1 (self-directed); approx. 500,000 (semi-autonomous); 200,000,000 (props). Fluctuating population of cats, robots and zombies not accounted for in most recent census.

Topography: Remarkably similar to that of Chicago, IL, with many scenic highways and the occasional forbidding woodland.

Major sports: Fencing, basketball, professional beat-downing, baseball. The Chicago White Sox have won the World Series for the 5th year in a row.

Libraries: The finest in the world, containing not only every book ever written, but a number that may not actually exist and a small handful that never will.

Work: Non-existent. All goals are immediately accomplished; the economy and infrastructure are maintained by invisible microscopic insectoid machines.

Time: Irrelevant. Events occur at the most appropriate time, and people are only as old as they were when the Prime Minister met them, or however old he's "feeling" at that moment. (The moment, incidentally, is the recognized unit of time-measurement in LeonardLand, and every past occurence is said to have taken place "the other day".)

Children: None.

Architecture: Extremely sophisticated and tasteful; supervised by Ludwig Mies van der Rohe, Philip Johnson, and the guy who built the interior sets to "Red Dwarf" and "Dr. Who". Most buildings made of stone or vibranium. No mini-malls. (There is one large shopping mall in far suburban Ausburg, but it is filled with zombies that the Prime Minister uses to practice kung-fu.)

Inhabitants: Tend to either be witty, frivolous and "artistic" or grasping, dogmatic and "fascistic"; draw their personalities from, alternately, Oscar Wilde and Ayn Rand. The two groups engage in physical violence on a frighteningly regular basis.

Cuisine: Diverse, plentiful, and incredibly fatty. However, due to local variations in chemistry, fat is instantly converted in the human body to sexual energy, which is stored for a short time and then released via the medium of extremely unlikely scenarios.