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G. Dark. Readings conforming to the standard canon of white dicks/black chicks, including Dark and Delicious, Ghetto Fagulous, Black is Bootyful, and I Don't Know Nothin' 'Bout Birthin' No Babies, But I Know a Surprising Amount About the Process of Concieving Them. Note: for beginning jungle-feverists only. Full course, hours on CPT. African-American Studies 200: Themes of Giant Cocks in Black Mythology. Visiting adjunct professor (slated: Dick Blacque). Examines themes of the long snake moan, the big ten inch record, the Black Man's Burden, and the Mandingo in American pornography. Special attention is called to the contrast between water that is cold and water which is, additionally, deep. Half course, summer term. Hours depend on how much vitamin E you can get hold of. Anthropology 296: Anthropological Influences in the Pornography Industry. Anabel Chang. Discussing pornography with reporters. Learning how to use terms like "reclaiming sexuality" and "subverting cultural norms". How to explain that your decision to be fucked in the ass by six dozen strangers in 24 hours represents a triumph of feminism. Constructed societal standards and the money shot. Pretending your whole career is a statement. Full course. Hours to be set by the "visiting lecturer", or whatever they're calling the john this week. Biology 155: Being a Porn Star. Department staff. AVN award-winners discuss topics of tangential interest to your major; this course is meant to build the complete porn star. Students will be expected to develop an appreciation for the proper lifestyle accoutrements and appearance enhancements necessary for a career in the pornographic arts, including immobile silicon implants, thin mustaches, studiously misplaced sweatclothes, fake-velour smoking jacket, convertible sports car, futuristic-looking house and mountains of cocaine. Development of incomprehensible hobbies that prove you're not one-dimensional. Full course. Hours are whenever you're not home visiting your family, who know about everything and are so supportive of what you do. English 150: Bad Porn Movies. Sharon Mitchell and staff. Topics for study include cheap loops, repackaging the worst scenes from your old movies into a 'clip show' format and selling it as if it were a new movie, extended sequences where you do really lame, awkward-looking 'erotic dancing' moves or pretend to be masturbating, amateur video of you blowing/being blown by someone in the champagne room of a strip club, and your attempts at 'serious acting' or 'legitimate projects'. (Two options are available in the latter module: the Chewing Gum Commerical or the Showtime After Dark Erotic Thriller.) Prerequisite: requires some knowledge of bad porn magazines. Half course, in between projects. Hours are inevitably too long or too short. Business 261: Fluffers -- the Silent Heroes. Johnny "Fluff King" McHenry. The necessity, brilliance and sublimity of the fluffer. Lengthy and poignant discussion of how no fluffer has ever achieved success in any other field whatsoever, but how it is bound to happen, eventually. Half course, between takes. Hours will drive you to suicide. Permanent Link. |
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| TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD: "In an incredibly short time, Hollywood and the Sunset strip were a fixed part of the world's consciousness, and the life of the stars, glamorous, public, exotic, full of romantic excess and as riddled with delightful scandal as it was crowded with role models, had invaded the consciousness of dreaming shop girls all around the globe." (Wallace Stegner) |