LUDIC LOG

I didn't join the line.

The last few weeks when I come in I see Charlie out on it. It's always cold at eleven PM, and lately it's been raining a lot. Hardly no one comes past that late but he's out there anyway, holding up them signs, and the rain comes down past those sodium arc lights. He looks lonely. It's not like during the day shift when lots of guys are lined up. Sometimes I see him out there and I think about his two kids, and I feel sorry for him, but then I remember what he says to me every night.

I ain't no scab. It's not right to call me that. I got a kid just like Charlie does. What I'm supposed to do? Feed my kid on strike pay? It's easy for him to say because he's still married and his wife works. I have to do what's right for my own family. I ain't no scab. I don't know why he's gotta say that. I don't call him names. Charlie bitches all the time about conditions at the plant if I had to come right out and say it I'd say "Charlie, things would be a lot better for you if you didn't slack quite so much". But I don't say that because I got manners and because I care about people's feelings. Even so, every night I drive through the gates on my way to the shift and he he yells out "scab" at me. It's not right.

Charlie and me used to be good friends until he fell in with Bill. Of course Bill wanted the strike because he ain't even got a wife or kids, and who knows how much money he makes as a union rep. Bill got him all talking about all of us standing together. That when the time came it had to be all of us or it wouldn't work because they were always together so we had to be together too. Well guess what Bill? We ain't all together. And Charlie says some mean shit like I'm taking money out of his kids' mouths when I break that line. So what am I supposed to do? Are we all supposed to starve? They won't shut down the plant. They won't stop bottling. People are gonna wanna buy Pepsi and the bosses are gonna give it to them. It's all just wasting time to fight it because if we won't take what they give they'll find someone else who will. All of Bill's big talk, he knows that. If we all quit paying our dues and giving to the strike fund it would be that much more money for the rest of it.

It's not such a bad life. I appreciate all the stuff the union did for us back then, but times have changed. Things aren't like they used to be. The foreman says it's wrong to strike for more money and I agree with him. Charlie says you can't believe the foreman because look who he reports to, but Charlie as good as reports to Bill so how good is what he says? Anyway, the foreman says maybe it would be one thing to strike if we lowered your pay or took away your benefits but striking because you want more is not fair. The way he explains it makes a lot more sense to me, and besides, at the end of his argument is a paycheck and at the end of Bill's argument is nothing but grief out there on the lines.

I wish things were back to the way they were with me and Charlie. He's said a lot of stuff and I don't think I can forget all the stuff he's said. I don't even care if the strike is over. Fuck him. Let him stand out there alone, under those lights. People want their Pepsi. The plant won't go away. The line will get tired and eventually it'll be gone, but the company will still be here. That's what endures.