|
|
|
|
Inside: Cultural Sausage. ~ Ludic Lists. ~ Skullbucket. Outside: "plaque conspiracy" "school of hard cocks" "Olmec people" "marvels of the modern age" "give yourself a mohawk" "Ronald Reagan is an asshole" "former anarchist Democratic Party" "bullshitter" |
06.10.2004
Yes, there's time for a few questions before we break. Nothing on the campaign, or on Mr. Reagan, or on the proposed Ronald Reagan Memorial Re-Invasion of Grenda, but other than that, we'll open it up. Yes? Tom. That's right. Mrs. Bush strongly opposes stem cell research. Yes, in opposition to Mrs. Reagan, that's correct. Yes, her father did die of complications arising from Alzheimer's Disease. Well, Mrs. Bush feels that her father would rather have died a confused, demented, pain-wracked husk than have been cured by the immoral slaughter of tissue samples. Yes. Okay, Reed? Did you have one? On the same topic? Oh, similar topic. All right. Go ahead. Yes, Mr. & Mrs. Cheney are deeply opposed to gay marriage. And in fact to any kind of special rights for homosexuals. What are special rights? Well, any rights, basically. Put down 'any rights'. No, it's not...it's not -- no, look. They should have the same rights as anyone else, just not any more rights than that. And possibly less rights. But that's up to the state. So, to clarify: same rights, or less rights, but not more rights. No, I don't know how Mary feels about it. I know that. I'm aware of that. Do you know that she's campaigning for her father? Well, why don't you ask her? I bet her answer will have six figures, ha ha. No, seriously, Reed, our position on this is...well, I don't know, Reed. Why don't you ask her? If you can find her? What? No, I don't anticipate...well, you'd have to ask the Vice-President. No, we don't know where he is either. Okay, Martina. Shoot. The president fully expected cooperation from the United Nations on the power transfer. No, not at all, not surprised at all. He was anticipating a unanimous vote. It's part of the atmosphere of international cooperation this administration is dedicated to fostering. Well, I don't see what's so funny, Martina. No, I don't. No, I wouldn't use the word 'dismissive'. I haven't really thought about...no, not 'arrogant', either. The President is fully committed to the United Nations and seeks their support in all international endeavors. Well, not...okay, well, we want their support after we've already done it, sure. But it's important just the same. Okay, Don, you've had your hand up for a while. Our international policy is the same as it has been since we got into office, Don. No, there's haven't been any substantial changes. No. Well, the policy initiaves were already in the formative stages well before 9/11, so, no, I wouldn't say that changed our foreign policy goals in any major way. No, not that either. I'm telling you, Don, it's the same foreign policy as...what? What is the policy? Well, it hasn't changed. That's what I'm saying. Well, I mean, I'm not telling you how to do your job, Don, but does it matter what it is exactly? The important thing is that we have one, and that it hasn't changed. No, I'm convinced that we do have one. I think the fact that we have one coupled with the stability of it not changing is enough for the American people. We don't have to get bogged down in statistics. Jane? Jane, what's your question? No, there's no plans for Mr. Rumsfeld to resign. Yes, absolutely. I don't know why we have to keep going over this and over this. Mr. Rumsfeld made it clear in his press conference this week. The United States does not now nor has it ever, particularly during the current administration, support the use of torture. Any existing memoranda to the contrary notwithstanding. Well, I know his name is on it, Jane. It's written on his letterhead, for goodness' sake. Well, obviously the policy is flexible. We're not some kind of dogmatic ideologues in the White House. It's...no, I'm not saying we will -- I'm just saying that the policy is flexible. It's a flexible policy. Well, for instance, in a situation where we need to get some critical information, or where lives are at stake, or in some kind of disciplinary or training program. As part of one. Sure, if you want a pull quote, Jane. Ha ha. Okay, the United States has not and will not use torture unless it is for a good reason. We need to wrap it up here -- let's take one from Spencer and then we can all get home for the evening. Okay? Okay, Spencer. Absolutely. No, that's a great question. We have a press release coming about that, but I might as well give you a preview, you've all been so nice. Okay, Iraq is out of the Axis. That's for obvious reasons. Libya, also off. Iran still on. North Korea, well, we're putting that one in a special category. Not so much an Axis of Evil as an Axis of Danger. Right, exactly, no one wants to mess with that. Syria still on. Phillipines we're upgrading to Axis Member 2nd Class. No, Cuba is still on the wait-and-see list. We've got some irons in the fire, as it were, on that one, Spencer, but you didn't hear it from me. Lebanon we're bumping up, and the President wishes to clarify his comments in support of Palestinian statehood to mean we support them forming a state only so we can put it on the Axis of Evil. Also Afghanistan, of course, Yemen, Egypt, France, and a rotating -stan which will change from week to week. Oh, also, for some reason, Andorra. Well, you're going to have to talk to the President about that one. No, I don't know where he is. No, no more, we have to -- okay, Jim, last one now, seriously. What? No, nothing on the weapons of mass destruction. They're still there, though. Nothing on the terror alerts. Yellow and steady, that's right. Sometime in summer. No, definitely don't change your shopping habits. Nothing on the link...no, nothing. Well, look, Jim, I'm not saying there's a connection, but I'm also not saying there's not a connection. Nothing on bin-Laden, no. Well, what do the polls look like? Oh, yeah? Okay then, probably in October. Late October. Okay, good night, everybody. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD: "Art derives from the intention of the artist. But time is the only impeccable judge." (John Rothenstein) |