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LUDIC LOG
06.22.2004
"I'm bored."
"You're...some people would kill for your role."
"I'm sorry I ever took it. It's a curse. Same thing night
after night."
"What are you, Tom Stoppard?"
"It's tedium personified. Why can't we mix it up a bit, do
something different?"
"Roger, it's Hamlet.
People have certain expectations."
"I'm not saying we leave out 'to be or not to be'. I'm saying,
let me do it with a Norwegian accent. That's what Welles would
have done."
"You're not Welles. You don't drink enough. This isn't
experimental theatre, it's rep."
"Exactly! It's rep. It's not dinner theatre."
"Actually, a lot of people eat during the..."
"They're not going to burn the place down just because I make some
interesting choices. It could do for the critics, too, you
know. Maybe increased ticket sales."
"Well, what did you have in mind?"
"You really want to hear my ideas?"
"Er...how many of them are there?"
"Forty-six."
"Why don't you give me your top five, if it'll make you feel better."
"All right...first one, Hamlet wins."
"He what?"
"He lives at the end."
"But...that totally invalidates the whole point of the play. How
can it be an effective tragedy if the hero doesn't meet a tragic end?"
"So we don't make it a tragedy! We make it an action movie!
Except in play form."
"What?"
"Plus, that beautifully sets up my idea #2."
"Which is?"
"Hamlet II: The Hunting of
Fortinbras."
"Are these your best ideas? I mean, do they get worse from here
on?"