LUDIC LOG

"Is this it?"

"Yes, my flower."

"It's nice."

"Why, thank you, my..."

"If you like tacky Eastern things."

"The Turks seem fond of them."

"Well, they're Turks."

"That cannot be disputed, my angel."

"What about this? Is this for me?"

"Of course it is, my precious jewel."

"It's pretty beat up."

"Well, there was some difficulty extracting it from the heathen's lair. I incurred this rather cutting wound from one of their blasted curved blades. Nasty things, scimitars they call them. I..."

"I thought I had the plague while you were gone."

"No!"

"Well, it turned out to be a bad onion, but I thought it was the plague. Lady Hendershot thought she had the plague too but it was the yaws."

"Lord Hendershot died of the plague, didn't he?"

"I don't know. He was your friend. What else did you bring me?"

"There is this, a jewel-encrusted goblet from the lair of one of the Mohametan grandees. The natives claim it has..."

"Did you bring me any silk?"

"I beg your pardon, my life's light?"

"Silk. Silk gowns or silk robes or bolts of silk."

"Er...no, I fear not, my queen. The Silk Road is some thousand leagues from where I was crusading."

"Lord Buckley brought his wife silk, and fire-cracks."

"Lord Buckley was sent to Cathay."

"I love silk."

"And I love you, my tasty pea-hen."

"Well, what about these jewels?"

"Oh! It's actually an interesting story. The grandee, you see, was said to be a sorcerer, and all manner of deviltry he employed to..."

"Did you have them appraised?"

"Did I...I must confess that I had no time to do so, dearest. Father Festo was beheaded by a Saracen early on, and he was not so much a jeweler as he was a priest. Perhaps later in the week, when I have the leeches removed, I can..."

"Whatever. Who cares."

"Just as you say, my beatific bride."

"Was there anything else?"

"No, I've bored you with my tales far too long. I shall to bed and perhaps in the morning, God will have healed me of my..."

"No, I mean did you bring me anything else."

"Only a loving husband and a devoted servant of the Lord, alive to provide for his lady fair."

"Oh."

"Er..."

"I see."

"And the gifts I have already presented you, of course."

"Yes."

"I'll just go out again, then, shall I?"

"Hmm."

"Right then."