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Inside: Cultural Sausage. ~ Ludic Lists. ~ Skullbucket. Outside: "Good Morning America presented by" "how to spray paint Chuck Taylors" "super tarts" "eating paper fiber" "plume plucked" "lamest villains" "rock 'n' roll church" "twinkles in the bedroom" |
06.30.2004
We already know what my CD collection says about me. Let's see what it has to say about you. "You Are A Light" (Pavement): false. Unless you are covered in some sort of luminous lichen, I'll stick with light bulbs. Also, if you are covered in luminous lichen, take a shower, for Christ's sake. "You Are My Sunshine" (Bing Crosby): false. This obsession you have with personalized illumination is disturbing to me. It smacks of a Messiah complex. "You Be Illin'" (Run-D.M.C.): true. Like, remember that one time, when you was drunk as a skunk and in your right hand was Bacardi? That shit was hells wack, homes. "You Belong to Me" (Flat Duo Jets): false. Unfortunately (from my perspective, not yours!), slavery was abolished in the United States by the Emancipation Proclamation in 1865. Now the only thing that belongs to me...is this pen. "You Can Have It All" (Yo La Tengo): false. Even if you could have it all, you would not be able to keep track of it, or properly supervise it to ensure that other people wouldn't take it. "You Can't Always Get What You Want" (The Rolling Stones): false. Sam Walton always got what he wanted, as did Mrs. Benedict St. Cyr of 14 The Crisp Packets, Barnley. "You Can't Fool the Fat Man" (Randy Newman): false. I was once fooled into getting a 'trial' subscription to U.S. News & World Report. "You Can't Get Good Riblets in Space" (Man...Or Astro-Man?): partly true. The sad truth is, you can't get good riblets anywhere these days. "You Don't Even Live Here" (Negativland): true. You live there. And as anyone will tell you, there is no here. "You Don't Love Me Yet" (The Vulgar Boatmen): true. But you will, my pretty. You will. Oh, you will!!! "You Don't Own Me" (Lesley Gore): true. Luckily for me, the Emancipation Proclamation works both ways. "You Fucked Yourself" (Quasi): true. In fact, everyone has done this, and anyone who says they haven't is a big fat liar. Yes, even that one kid you shared a bunk with at camp. "You Got a Problem" (Joan Jett & the Blackhearts): true. And, over and above that, I'm pretty sure you're talking to me. I mean, I don't see anyone else here. "You Have Cum In Your Hair and Your Dick Is Hanging Out" (Palace Music): look, is it okay if I don't answer this one? I don't like getting into personal stuff like this. You like what you like, dude. "You Know My Steez" (Gang Starr): true. Remember? You met my steez at the Schulman's Bastille Day party. "You Live At Home with Your Mom" (Dr. Doooom): true. Ha ha, loser! "You Never Give Me Your Money" (The Beatles): true. And, I mean, I've been meaning to talk to you about this one. "You Painted Your Teeth" (Jandek): true. DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO DO THAT?!? "You Suck" (The Yeastie Girlz): true. And you will continue to suck as long as you continue never giving me your money. "You Were Right" (Built To Spill): true. All right? I admit it. You were right. You were fucking right, and I was wrong, and you win! Okay? Can we drop it now? Can you please quit lording it over me? I admitted it, and I apologize! How many times do you want me to say I'm sorry? Sorry doesn't put heads back on orphans, Little Miss I Have To Be Right About Everything. |
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| TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD: "A city is the pulsating product of the human hand and mind, reflecting man's history, his struggle for freedom, creativity, genius -- and his selfishness and errors. A city has values as well as slums, excitement as well as conflict...a personality that has not been obliterated by its highways and gas stations." (Charles Abrams) |