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LUDIC LOG

07.01.2003

Buddy buddy! Don't forget, there's still one day left to send me an entry for the Ludic Log's Vacation Guest Columnist Throwdown! Win fabulous prizes! I got at least one free slot, so you've still got a chance. Be a world famous web celebrity, like Mahir or that chick who could calculate pi to a whole bunch of decimal places.

***

JULES

It's because he stays out there, right under the window, tinkering and doting over that goddamn car. Where she's got to see him. Where every breath she draws is full of his polishing and buffing where she can see him saying See. See how sweet this ride is gonna be. I told him to go somewhere else. I said Oh my God I totally don't even care what a Holley carb or whatever is. It's like he was a little boy and you told him hey that's a nice little red wagon you have there and all he would talk about for the next six weeks is how great his little red wagon was. Shit.

And now those other guys sitting there, like buzzards or vultures or what are those birds called that eat dead people? Because I said If you wouldn't keep on messing around with it all day and all night I mean what's the point of doing all that it's just going to get bugs on the windshield anyway, you're so vain. I can see the DVD player and Dewey Deck's arm. I said if you'd just leave it alone. Buffing and polishing, and keeping the air always blowing and the engine running even when he's just waxing it, that can't be good for the environment I'd say and he gives me this big look and rolls his eyes and is like whatever, Miss Hippie Environmentalist. Hippie environmentalist. Hippie environmentalist and he knows my dad is a corporate lawyer for Dow Chemical but he just has to say it so everyone will know how un-p.c. he is. If it had been me who was paying for the car, if it had been me when we went to the Ford dealership to pick it out but I had midterms, it would not be happening with every econ major in the dorm coming in to stare at it because if there is such a thing as sensible spending what the hell is it for. It would just be me and him in a nice stylish compact, a convertible maybe, driving down the I90 and having a good time and not trying to impress every goddamn hillbilly in the Midwest until we got to Florida and not his goddamn Turtle Wax, and saying hippie environmentalist. Hippie environmentalist.

DEWEY DECK

The first time me and Rafe went down for spring break, Jimmy don't go because he had caught the flu and everyone was all freaking out about SARS and anthrax and whatever. And Jules don't care because she's not part of the group, not really, just because a bitch is somebody's girlfriend don't mean she is part of the group. And Money like cutting up the long hot drunk purple days into bits and throwing them out the window. And Jimmy thinks because he wants to impress the other guys in the program because he is always worrying about impressing other people and not enough to do his own work. And I did not think that Berle would go, because even in an Explorer there is only so much room when the holes fill with distance beyond the land.

And so it was because I could not help it. It was then, and then I saw Berle and he knew. He said he knew without the words like he told me that he knew he wasn't invited without words, and I knew he knew because if he had said he knew with the words I would have really felt like a dick about it. But he said it was cool and I said "Are you going to tell Jimmy are you going to make a big deal about it?" without the words I said it and he said "Why?" without the words. And that's why I can talk to him with knowing with hating because he knows.

He stands in the door, looking at her.

"What you want, Berle?" I say.

"Man, she's totally hot, " he says. And old horn-dog Trent comming to watch her wash the car but I can fool them.

"Are you coming?" I say.

"Nah," he says.

"Then what are you doing here?" I say.

"I want to help you load," he says.

MONEY

We decided on Palm Springs.

1. There are more places to go there than in Florida.

2. Because you are right near LA and San Diego.

3. If you want to you can go down to Tijuana or Rocky Point and like anything goes there.

4. Besides which the chicks in California are way hotter than Florida.

5. We got a really good group rate at the hotel. This will help with the beer money.

6.Except

7. We are probably going to blow all that money anyway.

8. Like on weed and shit.

9. But that's really not he point. Like what if they have one of those tropical tornadoes or whatever they call them down in Florida, that would totally ruin the whole road trip.

10. Once we get there we will probably hardly even be at the hotel much at all anyway.

11. Plus more people are probably going to Florida so it won't be like as commercialized and crowded.

12. So we decided on Palm Springs.

13. It's really the only way.

PARTYMAN

My mother is a fish.

 

 

 

No, seriously, dude, I'm just fucking with you. Oh, man, I am so baked.

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