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Inside: Cultural Sausage. ~ Ludic Lists. ~ Skullbucket. Outside: "galactic golem" "flaming guitar tattoo" "listen to song Black Velvet band" "Grants like Horace" "Per Degaton" "anaphoras" "the king is dead long live the king" "Dave Stevens catfight" |
07.03.2004
Once again, with apologies to Gustave Flaubert and Lewis Lapham, here are more Received Ideas for a New Millennium. Part 2 of a series over the slow holiday weekend. BELIEVE. You have to believe in something. If you do not believe in something, you are "cynical", and "cynical" people have nothing to add to any conversation. Also, it is not enough just to believe in something; you must believe in it sincerely, or else you are just fooling around. What you believe in is not important, as long as you believe. HITLER. Saying his name ends an argument, although in favor of which disputant is unclear. There is a name for this phenomenon, but it is not, as you might think, Hitler's Law. No one is more evil than Hitler, but it is nonetheless useful to bring up his name when talking about how bad another person might have been, given the opportunity. Some people think he is funny; other people think he is funny, but not ha-ha funny. MILITARY: Military service is one of the finest callings for a young man, and possibly a young woman, though not a young homosexual man or woman. "You have to support the troops". What this country needs is the reintroduction of military service, though your children, of course, are an exception. Anyone who criticizes the actions of the leaders who direct the military are, de facto, criticizing the soldiers themselves, and are therefore racist and anti-poor. OIL. "It's about oil" is parroted by leftists dupes. You say "it's not about oil", but don't say why, or what exactly it is about. Our entire economy, infrastructure and way of life depends on oil, and many of our richest citizens struck their fortune in oil or related industries, but we would certainly not fight a war over it. PAIN: Doctors know nothing about pain. Although everyone has experienced pain in their lives, no one can understand your pain, because it is special. Your pain is a part of you, and it helps make you a perfect flower. PATRIOTISM: Yours is true patriotism, while the patriotism of others is jingoism. Nothing worse than 'blind' patriotism. A real patriot tolerates dissent, or does not. THE PRESS: Like politicians, we need them and want them but also hate them. It is important for a free nation to have a strong press, but it is also important for a strong press not to ask a lot of impertinant questions. When a person of note does or says something questionable, it is the fault of the press for reporting it. RELIGION: Even though America seems to be an extremely religious country, in fact, Christians are constantly being persecuted. People who are not religious are guilty of "ignoring the importance religion plays in our lives". Has recently fallen in bad odor because of the behavior of certain actors who are adherents of the wrong religion. SPIRITUALITY: Say, "I'm not religious; I'm spiritual". This means that you believe in all the mystical underpinnings of religion, but you don't want to embarrass yourself around smart people by saying that you believe in, say, all that Catholic mumbo jumbo. Spirituality is better than religion because you get to believe in a god who created you, loves and protects you, but you don't have to obey all those crazy rules he came up with. |
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| TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD: "We have come to accept with enthusiasm the unprofessional, unappreciative, unskillful butchery of the land that goes under the name of planning." (William L. Pereira) |