LUDIC LOG

Thank you for the invitation to speak to you today. It's an inestimable honor to be asked to address such a distinguished group as the Veterans of Foreign Wars, and the fact that you have extended that honor to me, in light of the endless hurtful comments of my family's detractors is a testament to the fact that your courage remains steadfast even in times of peace -- times which, sadly, become more rare as threats to our great country are ever on the increase.

Now, as to why I should be asked to speak here -- thank you -- I would think that if you know my last name, which Corporal Wilburton didn't quite pronounce properly, but we have to make allowances I supposed for the only living veteran of the First World War, then I need no introduction. My husband, as I'm sure you're all aware, was the sole American fatality of the Banglo-American War.

I call it a war, rather than the polite term -- "conflict" -- preferred by journalists and so-called peace protesters, because that's what it was. It was a war, with all the terrible consequences that implies, just as surely as were the wars in which you brave men and women served. Please, if you'll let me finish. If a war may be defined by the stakes for which we fight, then there can be no question that this was the rival of the Second World War: the Muslim radicals who provoked our intervention with the horrible terrorist acts at Chicago's American Girl Place were no less black-hearted, and had no less evil intentions, than those of the Nazi scoundrels against whom so many of you fought. If a war may be defined by the awful loss of life it entails, then this one may be one of America's most costly: in addition to my...I'm sorry, please forgive me...in addition to dear Ben, there were literally hundreds of thousands of Bangladeshis who were killed while attacking U.S. forces or giving aid and comfort to the enemy, not to mention hundreds of thousands more who died in the unfortunately timed mudslides, flooding and hailstorms. It is only by a cowardly, timid, lawyer's definition of war, requiring the consent of a weakened, foolishly deceived Congress, that leads to these disrespectful definitional games.

Now, I mentioned the hurtful comments made by detractors. I am sad to say that these comments know no ideological boundaries. There are the treacherous elements of the ever-unpatriotic left, who have never supported our brave men in uniform in times of war or peace...please, if I can continue...who have suggested that my brave man died in the prosecution of an unjust war. I can say proudly, to hell with them. Look at my Ben's cold body in his casket, his head staved in defending your right to slander a dead man, and tell me he had no business there. But what is more painful to me are the comments of otherwise sensible, upstanding Americans who have been so crass as to laugh at the death of...

Sir, I can assure you, that comment is much more a reflection on your character than it is on the character of my late husband.

As I was saying, there are those, and apparently those in this very room, who have laughed at my grief, who have joked at my loss, who have been so arrogant as to place their misery above mine due to pure circumstance. I will not engage in a point-by-point refutation of these miserable, small-minded charges here. My upcoming interview in Sunday's "Parade" magazine will more than sufficiently address the base libels heaped upon my family. Suffice it to say that it hardly matters to a dead man's wife and three sweetly retarded children whether he was gunned down by Stuka fighters or had his skull split open by a humanitarian food drop. And as for the circumstances of the time and place of his demise, perhaps people of your generation don't realize this, but in modern wars from Viet Nam to Bangla Desh, terrorists and guerillas have frequently disguised themselves as prostitutes in order to lure brave men -- men, with all the foibles that implies, but brave men -- to their doom. I only hope that your children and grandchildren never know my...

Is there a sergeant-at-arms? I really don't know how I can be expected to...

Thank you. I can see that even this noble fraternity is not immune to childishness and un-American casting of blame. No, your mother. I will therefore conclude my comments by saying that until we can return to a time when every fighting man was given the respect of his countrymen and his comrades-in-arms, and until people can stop quibbling about who does and doesn't deserve a posthumous Medal of Honor, and until patriotism is a more important emotion than jealousy that they aren't being played in a major motion picture by Renee Zellweger, America will continue what I fear is a long, slow, irreversable slide downward. Thank you, and God bless America.