Buck buck, Chicago! Come to Mojoe's
Cafetonight (July 10th)
at 7:30PM and hear me read
selections from this very website as part of the SPEC/Diatribe Media
series.
ADVENTURES IN REFERRAL:
a daily assortment of random
search engine queries leading people to the Ludic Log in the past 24
hours
"prevalence of male homosexuality"
"she's tarted up"
"proty disco kids"
"Richard Speck anal"
"gay time traveler"
"shark weird scales"
"weight loss by shitting it out"
"Siegfried Roy sausage"
"robot cat"
"man white robe looks like Jesus"
LUDIC LOG
07.09.2004
So, who wants a Friday Foto
entry consisting of headshots of me against a white wall showing off my
incipient 'Rab-fro? Nobody, that's who. But that's what
you're going to get, just the same. Thanks to Cori for being the
shot-caller on this ridiculous vanity project. (Click on the
thumbnail for a full picture, if you really feel like torturing
yourself.)
Come on, youse mugs! I'll make
polenta outta yaz! I'll send ya cryin' to ya social woikah!
I'll knock you into next fiscal quattah! Why you salacious
so-and-sos!
This is, bar none, my favorite
picture ever taken of myself. I really couldn't say why.
Perhaps it just has that certain combination of obscenity, ugliness,
and asocial tendencies that simply makes my heart sing.
Hallelujah and God bless us every
one. You know He made each one of us a special little precious
rainbow, so there's no need to feel bad just because you're a
drugged-up worthless freak. Now come give daddy a hug.
Oh, if only they could all look like
this! Lord save ye, America's camera-shy celebrities and criminal
element, for coining the pose that I hope someday ends up on my book
jacket and wedding invitations.
The Beatles! Oh my God, I love
them so much! Look, there's Paul! He's so cute! OH MY
GOD JOHN IS GETTING OFF THE PLANE! I want to marry him, you guys,
for real! AAAAAAAAAAAH
Now, this is an interesting
case. We have here a minor childhood trauma, exacerbated by years
of suppression until it has assumed an unjustifiably large degree of
psychological impact. I suggest a lengthy program of kissing my
ass.
ME MONSTER! ME SCARY AND HUGE
AND THROW LITTLE GIRLS DOWN WELL! FEAR ME BRUTE STRENGTH AND
TERRIBLE TEETH! HAVE YOU GOT ANY OF THOSE ALMOND JOYS WITH
PINEAPPLE?
Jesus, I am so fucking sexy.
For real, y'all, if you knew how truly super fucking sexy I am, you
would literally try and crawl through your phone lines and squeeze
through my iMac's speaker netting just to touch me.
You want to know what I think? Me?
Really? Oh, you don't really want to know what I think. You
say you do, but
you don't? You do? Honestly? Okay, I'll tell
you. I think...wait, what was the question?
You
know, I might not be a "thugged out" kind of "gangsta" who's really
"urban"
and "hardcore", but...well, I forget where I was going with this one,
but an opinion poll called me the other day and when I said I was
Arab-American, they hung up on me.
Then again, maybe I am "down"!
And say things like "word up"! And can "bring it"! Maybe I
spend a lot of time with my friend, Robot Duplicate of 2Pac! Or
maybe I am a magical turtle-man.
What has two thumbs and likes to get
out of writing real entries? THIS GUY!
TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD: "A strong hatred is the best lamp to bear in our
hands as we go over the dark places of life, cutting away the dead
things men tell us to revere." (Rebecca
West)
