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Inside: Cultural Sausage. ~ Ludic Lists. ~ Skullbucket. Outside: If you'd like to write a guest entry for the Ludic Log while I'm on vacation in early August, why not write me an e-mail and tell me so?. "the Source crossword hip-hop" "weird dog free animal" "round cooling tower" "Marvel homoerotic" "action script smoke" "hella good porn" "potato chip art" "teeth plaque conspiracy Metallica" |
07.21.2004
"Curt, could you come into my office for a moment, please?" "I WORKING ON THIS POWER POINT PRESENTATION JAKE. I HAVE SIX O CLOCK DEADLINE." "It'll only take a few minutes." "OKAY JAKE. HEY YOU GO TO GAME THIS WEEKEND?" "Curt, I really don't...it's hard to say this, but, well, your services are no longer required." "WHAT?" "We're...we're letting you go, Curt." "THIS MAKE NO SENSE I BEEN SPOKESMAN FOR COMPANY OVER SIXTY YEARS." "To be honest with you, Curt, that's part of the problem. You've been on staff for six decades. We thought you'd have moved up by now. You seem to lack ambition." "I NO LACK AMBITION. I FIRST GREEN-SKINNED CORPORATE MASCOT IN AMERICAN HISTORY. WHY I BEING PUNISHED FOR ENJOYING JOB I IN?" "Curt, it's not just that. Be honest with me: weren't you kind of hoping for this? Don't you want the chance to move on? It seems that way to me. Your attitude lately suggests that you're not happy in your job at all." "WHAT YOU MEAN JAKE? LISTEN, I STILL SAY SLOGAN GOOD: HO HO HO! HO HO HO!" "I know the slogan, Curt. We all know the slogan." "PLUS ME STILL GREEN! AND GIANT!" "But you're not very jolly. You're downright surly. There's no place in this company for a Surly Green Giant. You never seem happy anymore." "I HAPPY WHEN THE PEOPLES EAT CORN AND PEAS AND GREEN-BEANS." "And what about when they don't? You threaten them. Last week at the opening of that new Ralph's in Topanga, you said you would club a nine-year-old and grind his bones if he didn't try the new Fiesta Blend vegetable mix." "THAT MAKE ME JOLLY. MANY HO HO HO I SAY THAT DAY." "We can't have your jolliness coming at the expense of our customers' lives. There's just no place for you in this organization today." "WHERE I GO? WHAT I DO? I HAVE SPROUT TO SUPPORT." "Curt, if you want my advice, you should tell Sprout to get a job and move out of the house. I may be overstepping my bounds, but the kid is 39 years old and his performance art career is going nowhere. My Father: A Pistil's Journey? People don't want to see that." "I STILL NEED JOB. I NEED MAKE LIVING. SOCIAL SECURITY NOT ENOUGH FOR GREEN GIANT. MY FOOD INTAKE PRODIGIOUS." "Look, I really shouldn't do this, but I know a guy at William Morris I could put you in touch with. He's always got theatrical work for people like you." "LIKE WHAT?" "Well, there's Shrek On Ice. You'd be perfect for that." "NOT DIMINISH ME, JAKE. I SERIOUS ACTOR." "Hey, I'm trying to help you out, pal. If you're going to be a dick about it, you can just go clean out your desk right now." "YOU NOT GIVE ME SECOND CHANCE?" "I can't do it, Curt. We're in a financial crunch, and everyone's getting hit hard. Why, even up here in the executive suites, we've lost...well, nobody I know, but I hear the night janitor was cut back to only 30 hours a week." "ONE TIME IN '72 OLD MARKETING VP TRY TO LAY OFF JOLLY GREEN GIANT." "Yeah? What happened?" "NO ONE KNOW. HIM DISAPPEAR, NEVER SEEN AGAIN." "Uh..." "YOU REMEMBER, 1972. THAT YEAR WHEN BIG F.D.A SCANDAL, BONE FRAGMENTS FOUND IN FROZEN NIBLETS." "Uh..." "SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT RIGHT JAKE? HO HO HO." "Hey, uh, get outta here, you big lug, you've got a PowerPoint presentation to do." |
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| TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD: "The secret of happiness is to find a congenial monotony." (V.S. Pritchett) |