LUDIC LOG

"...and she never cleans house. I mean, I'm not into the whole, you know, man works woman cleans thing, like June Cleaver or whatever, but honestly. I do all the cleaning, and she makes most of the mess."

"What did we say about exaggerating, John? That takes us away from truth, and truth is where we want to get."

"I'm not exaggerating. I really do all the cleaning. She mostly just wanders around the house and eats."

"I remember you telling me last time that she does the cooking."

"No, I said she leaves me food. That's what makes the mess."

"I'd like to hear from Jane at this point. Jane, I'm hearing from John that he needs you to take a more active role in keeping house and home together. Do you think his concerns are justified?"

"glaah"

"Would you care to elaborate on that?"

"..."

"See what I mean, Dr. Stebbins? This is what it's like. Every damn day."

"John, vulgarites are not going to save this marriage, are they?"

"I don't..."

"Are they?"

"I guess not."

"Okay. Jane, John seems to think that you're not in partnership with him. What are your feelings about that?"

"hurrrgh"

"I beg your pardon?"

"..."

"Jane, these sessions only work if you're willing to talk to me, and to John. Okay? Can you open up to me a little? Because otherwise we're not doing each other any good."

"paafffh"

"All right. John, we don't seem to have open channels here. Do you know why that might be? Is there any reason that she might be reluctant to talk about this issue?"

"Are you accusing me of something?"

"I'm not interested in accusations. I'm interested in amplifications. Why do you think Jane might not want to discuss this issue?"

"Well, she's never been much of a talker. Even when we were dating, I don't think that she said more than a few words to me. It didn't seem to matter at the time, because, you know. Young love. She was just so beautiful, I figured she was shy."

"You don't think she's shy now?"

"I think she's mute."

"Well, that's too bad, because the key to a successful relationship is what? John?"

"Communication."

"Jane, the key to a successful relationship is what?"

"..."

"Jane?"

"clagh"

"Very good. That's what we're going to work on today, communication. John, you start. I want you to tell me something about your wife, and then I'm going to tell you what I hear, and she's going to tell us what she hears. All right? Go ahead."

"Okay...well, um, it really bothers me how she's always eating my friends."

"Is that fair, John? Is that a fair thing to say?"

"I guess not."

"Okay then."

"She eats her friends too. Although she doesn't have many friends anymore."

"All right. I'm hearing that you feel Jane is hostile to your friends, that she lashes out against them perhaps out of jealousy, since the life of a full-time stay-at-home wife has cost her a lot of her friends."

"Actually, I meant she doesn't have a lot of friends because she ate them all already. See, she's..."

"John, you've had your turn. We're telling what we heard you say, all right?"

"Fine."

"Jane, what did you hear John say there?"

"gazzh"

"Would you care to elaborate on that?"

"..."

"Okay, what I'm hearing in Jane's response is that she feels intimidated by the fact that you're a better speaker than she is, that you're more confident and expressive, and that makes her afraid to give her opinions. I'm hearing that she's even a little afraid of you. Jane, is that accurate?"

"huuuh"

"Great. So what do we take from this?"

"So, you're saying that she's intimidated by me?"

"I think that's the consensus, yes."

"Because, I mean, she's actually quite a bit stronger than I am. I've seen her tear people to pieces with her mouth."

"Well, she's certainly not hurting anyone with her words now, is she?"

"No, I mean her actual mouth. Just this morning, she killed..."

"John."

"Yes?"

"Jane?"

"..."

"I want you, for just a moment, to remember why you married each other. I want you to remember the good times, remember the love. Can you do that?"

"Sure."

"And Jane, I want you to look at John, and say to him 'I am going to work at being a more committed partner in this marriage. Can you do that?"

"uaah"

"Good. Now, John, I want you..."

"I don't think she really said anything."

"John."

"What?"

"We're moving on here."

"Okay."

"I want you, John, to say to her 'I am going to stop being an intimidating presence in your life. I am going to stop being a threat to you."

"Um..."

"She needs to hear it."

"You know, last week, she tore our mailman's arm off at the socket."

"John. Talk to her, not to me."

"Jane, I am going to stop being an intimidating presence in your life. I am going to stop being a threat to you."

"Wonderful. How about a kiss?"

"I'd really rather not. I just got the stitches out from the last time."

"That's all right. One step at a time. We're communicating. And it's all about communication."