LUDIC LOG

Scene 1

Stars: Devin DeRay, Ty Lattimore, Peter North

Scene: The Office of Management and Budget. Roderick Paige (Lattimore) storms in, furiously demanding to see Mitchell Daniels (North) for an explanation of why the education budget has been slashed. Daniels say's it's out of his hands, and to take it up with Condoleeza Rice (DeRay), who black-budgeted a huge chunk of Paige's funding. They buzz Condi at State and ask her to come over. She explains that the money is badly needed for national security. Paige: "But what about education?" Rice: "I'll give you an education".

Keys: two-on-one double-pen; something for the chocolate lovers early on (best to get it out of the way).

Talking Points: Condi should be fully in control in this scene; Mitchell is passive, attempting merely to "keep things under budget" (he spells for Paige, so we save money on fluffers). Should be some reference to Paige's first name in the script.

Notes: Speech coach for Devin? She's a bit too "urban" in the dailies. We don't want to scare people off this soon in the film.

Scene 2

Stars: Jenna Jameson, Joey Silvera

Scene: Andrew Card (Silvera) is prepping Gale Norton (Jameson) for an upcoming press conference. Card thinks there will be a lot of heat from the journalists because of a controversial plan to drill for oil in the Florida Everglades. He's pretty rough with the questions and Gale rebels, saying "What do you know about drilling, anyway?" Card: "Oh, I know a lot about drilling, baby."

Keys: Straightforward M/F. Lots of dick-sucking in this one, focus groups say they feel Gale Norton would really know how to milk it.

Talking Points: Lots of talk about "the interior" (Rick and Steve, incorporate this into the camerawork; we'll be leaving this scene out of the hotel version). Joey should mention the "staff" at least twice, but no more than five times. Put Jenna in organic cotton clothes, we want to project an environmentally friendly image.

Notes: It is only because Jenna's agent is a total fucking ballbuster that we are taking out the line where she calls him "Wild Card". You make a little money in this business and all of the sudden everyone's a script doctor.

Scene 3

Stars: Billy Dee, Ashlyn Gere

Scene: Christine Todd Whitman (Gere) is plotting with Colin Powell (Dee) to subvert the adminstration's agenda. They discuss their nefarious plans in great detail (supporting the U.N., urging caution on Iraq, enforcing EPA standards). Powell asks Whitman how he knows he can trust her; she offers to prove it in any way she can. He asks if she's ever had it in the ass; she says no. They seal the deal with an extended rear entrance scene.

Keys: Big anal showcase here. Some light S&M, people like to see Whitman getting spanked. We decided not to go with repeated focus group suggestions that Powell be portrayed as impotent.

Talking Points: Lots of heel talk here, it's important to establish these two as the villains right away. No problem with Billy, he can really ham it up, but try and get Ashlyn to play with the sweet blonde bimbo thing a bit, she should be sneering by the money shot. Much to-do about the name "Colin" (I know, but some of the older fans should get it).

Notes: Tom has raised some objections two having two chocolate scenes in the movie, but Billy is light-skinned, and anyway, our research indicates that most people don't know Colin Powell is black.

Scene 4

Stars: Nina Hartley, Kobe Tai

Scene: Ann Veneman (Hartley) and Elaine Chao (Tai) meet to discuss a farm subsidies bill that will affect both their departments. The print on the bill is really small and hard to read, so Chao puts on her reading glasses and leans in over Veneman's shoulder for a closer look. Their faces almost touch. They get to a really racy part of the text involving cucumber farming, and, giggling like schoolgirls, they kiss. One thing leads to another.

Keys: This will be a big scene, so we're making it the lead-in to the big orgy scene. Something for the ladies, the girl-on-girl fans, and the Asian fetishists.

Talking Points: Ben wrote some jokes about labor unions but it's too highbrow, we dumped it. Agriculture and labor are pretty dull topics even for the convention crowd, so we suggest they get right to the fucking as soon as possible.

Notes: We decided against using an actual cucumber in this scene, for various reasons. Save the footage for the AVN Awards blooper reel, though.

Scene 5

Stars: Maria Checa, Scott Irish, Jenteal, Ron Jeremy, Stephanie Swift

Scene: Linda Chavez (Checa), who has been secretly working as an undercover agent for the CIA since the White House engineered her public disgrace to provide a plausible cover, has been instrumental in defeating Powell and Whitman's sinister plan to bring down the Bush administration. The President (Irish) and John Ashcroft (Jeremy) invite her to the Oval Office and, as footage of Baghdad being subjected to nighttime airstrikes plays on a nearby monitor, they present her with the Presidential Medal of Freedom. As they slip the medal around her neck, she makes a grab at the presidential package, and a two-on-one starts. Suddenly, Lynne Cheney (Jenteal) and Laura Bush (Swift), who have been out drinking together, walk in on the scene, but instead of chewing out the Chief Executive, they choose instead to give him a "tongue-lashing". We end in a big sprawl on the carpet of the Oval Office.

Keys: This is the big orgy scene, we pull out all the stops here. Anal, oral, 69, double-pen, dyke train, and we end with a daisy chain with a boffo overhead shot that takes advantage of the shape of the Oval Office, a la Scorsese.

Talking Points: The script for this one is pretty good, Ben really did his homework. Of course it helps that Peggy Noonan's contract with Vivid just expired -- she's been a dream doing on-shoot script doctoring. Let's keep the "veto" jokes to a minimum, though, they seem to confuse people.

Notes: We're going to save a ton of money here by just representing Dick Cheney as a disembodied voice making encouraging comments over a speakerphone from an undisclosed location. (Al Goldstein has agreed to do the voice gratis.) We ran into some contract trouble, because Stephanie's rider says no facials, but those kids at Vista Valley Community College are real aces with the computers. It shouldn't be a problem.