LUDIC LOG

Today is the six-month anniversary of the Ludic Log. I'd like to take a moment to thank each and every one of you who have taken the time and effor to read what I've had to say, and I feel that I've developed something akin to friendship will all of you who have made this log your home. That's why it's so difficult to say this: as of today, the Ludic Log will no longer be produced. This will be the last installment.

Ha! No, really, I'm just fucking with you. We've all been getting piss-drunk and smoking weed here at Ludic Syndicate World Command since the Anniversary Day Parade ended around 2 PM, and some of the guys thought it would be funny if they said that. If you thought it was funny, you're welcome. If not, blame the guys in the maintenance department. I dunno.

Anyway, we do, in all seriousness -- SHUT UP YOU GUYS, I'M TYPING -- want to announce a few changes. So, listen up, I think you're gonna like this.

- First of all, Mark over in Design has taken a leave of absence to take care of his sick wife. Well, actually, he was fired. The HR people said we should say he took a leave of absence, because we don't want to offend the people who liked his work, but let's be honest, this site only has five readers. Six, tops. And I very seriously doubt any of them are in it for the design aspect. Right? I mean, who's kidding who here. Anyway, he was fired and we've hired a couple of kids from Triton College to fix this thing up all pretty-like. I don't know exactly what they're gonna do. I'm management, I told them, I leave all the "creative" stuff up to the staff. But I'm sure it'll be just great pending approval and test marketing. Pretty soon this place will look like a real website!

- And with that will come real revenues. Yes, we're committed to making the Ludic Log a profitable enterprise, and more than that, a model for pay-structured web logs. I know that you may be saying -- hell, I can hear you from here -- "hey, asshole! I've been getting this stuff for free, why should I pay for it now?" Well, as edgy political cartoonist Dan "Tom Tomorrow" Perkins says, you're like a kid who broke into the candy store and now thinks he's got a God-given right to Gummi worms. Or something like that. The fact is, enjoying the Ludic Log without paying is stealing, and if you do that, you are no better than the filthy vermin who raped and killed that little blonde chick, what's her name, up in Colorado. You know, the parents did it. I forget. Anyway, you won't be sorry! We'll be introducing exciting premium content that will blow your ass to the back of the room. You'll be begging to give us money once you see all the great shit we've got coming.

- Some of you have complained about the content here at the Ludic Log. Some of the most common complaints include "doesn't make any sense", "isn't funny", "confusing", "whiny", "author is a dangerous psychopath", and so on. Let it never be said that we are not customer-responsive: the head writer responsible for most of that unreadable crap has also been fired and we're currently in the process of deleting all the archives and replacing them with better articles, from downsized content providers like eTown, the Spot, Excite, Oxygen and Prodigy HomeLife, as well as the entire staff of Delphi, which we got for seven bucks at a yard sale. We're also partnering with some of the internet's best and most popular distributors of pornography, conservative commentary, secured credit cards and remotely operated miniature cameras to bring you an exciting new kind of "commertainment" -- a remarkable experience that provides both fun things to experience and expensive things to buy, in a format that's like "infomercials turned inside out"! You'll love it.

Anyway, that's what's in store. If you're half as excited as I am, then I'm twice as excited as you, ha ha. Keep checking back daily for new updates on the dynamic future of the Ludic Log, and happy anniversary!!!