LUDIC LOG

"Neil? It's me."

"Charlie! How's my favorite superstar."

"Nervous."

"As well you should be. The first meet-the-public appearance is the biggest. It only gets easier after this. I want you to take that nervousness, and use it."

"Use it? For what?"

"You know! Use it. Internalize it and make it into something that informs your performance. Like method actors."

"Was Sharon Tate a method actress?"

"She really wasn't much of an actress at all, to be quite honest with you. But I would really steer clear of that particular topic, Charlie, if I were you."

"Well, actually, Neil, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Hmmm?"

"I'm just worried that, well..."

"Spit it out, pal. If you can't confide in your agent, then you can't confide in anyone."

"I'm worried that they're going to ask me about...all that."

"You mean all those murders you committed."

"Technically, Neil, I didn't commit any murders. It was..."

"Charlie. Babe. You don't have to read to me from your publicity kit, all right? I wrote that publicity kit."

"You did?"

"Well, I hired the girl who did. Look, you have to expect questions about the killings. It's natural."

"But I'm a changed man. I've reformed. I've been paroled. That part of my life is behind me. I don't see how it does anyone any good to dwell on the past."

"Look, Charlie. this sort of thing is inevitable. No matter what you have going for you, people are going to ask about the first thing you got famous for. Now, I don't want you to panic. I gave explicit instructions to Regis' staff that the questions couldn't just be about the killings. They're going to ask you about the play, and about the fashion line, and about the memoir. But yes, they are going to ask you about the murders."

"Why? Why do people have to keep dredging up the past?"

"Charlie, I represent Michael Jordan too. And he hasn't played basketball for eight years. He's got the movies, the commercials, the business stuff, the cologne, the line of flying belts. But they still want to ask him about basketball. Don't worry about it. Just take those questions in stride, talk about how you've moved past it just like you're doing to me, and keep on point with the product you want to move."

"I'm just concerned that...well, I don't want to be typecast as a Charles Manson character."

"Well, I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but you are Charles Manson."

"Right, but I don't want to be a Charles Manson character."

"Charlie. Buddy. Listen to me. I know you're reformed."

"I know, Neil. I'm not questioning your faith in me."

"And you know you're reformed."

"Of course."

"And Regis knows you're reformed."

"Does he?"

"He wouldn't have booked you if you were the same Charles Manson who told Geraldo Rivera he'd send for his head in a box."

"Ha. That was a pretty good one."

"But the point is, Charlie, they don't know you're reformed. Those people. All those millions out there in TV-land. They still think of Charles Manson, and they don't think 'dinner theatre' or 'healing journey' or 'stylish casual slacks, blazers and turtlenecks'. They think 'deranged hippie mass murderer'. That's why you're doing this show: to convince them. And to do that, no matter how much you might not want to, you're going to have to field a few questions about the killings."

"And you really think I can do it?"

"Absolutely."

"You believe in me, Neil?"

"I woulnd't be repping you if I didn't, Charlie."

"Wow. Well, then, damn it, I'll do it."

"Attaboy! Get out there and make the magic happen, baby! When this thing airs, you'll be America's biggest name all over again, but this time for a good reason."

"There's one other thing, Neil."

"What is it, babe?"

"The swastika I have tattooed on my forehead..."

"Use it."