LUDIC LOG

Hello, and welcome once again to 'From the Mouth of Babes'! I'm your host, Chuckles Johnson, and this week as every week, we're going to ask a few questions of some very special people here in our studio audience. Not just any people, though: these are people who are the simplest among us, and, ironically, the wisest. Let's meet our panel of children, old people, and the mildly retarded!

First of all, this is Jenny Bingham. Jenny is eight years old, and...

Muzzies!

What's that, dear?

Muzzies. At my house we call them Muzzies.

Are you...do you mean Muslims? You call them Muzzies?

Yes! Daddy says they wear pillowcases on their heads.

Ha ha! I say that too. Why do they do that, do you think, Jenny?

Because they worship Sating!

Satan, you mean.

Right! Sating!

Oh, the kids. I tell you, priceless. This is our future, folks, right up here. But let's not forget our distant past! This is Eustace Murphy, and he's -- how old are you, sir?

I'm eighty-two.

Eighty-two! My goodness. You've been around the block a few times. I bet you've seen a thing or two in your day. And what do you think of Islam?

I think he should be put in the electric chair.

Have you...did you ever meet a Muslim?

I used to work with one of them. He was from Hong Kong. Couldn't drive for (edited) and he ate this fish soup every day for lunch. It stank like hell.

I...are you sure he was a Muslim? He sounds Chinese.

What's the difference? Who cares? Put him in the electric chair is what I say.

Fantastic! Hey, speaking of executions, President George W. Bush, who is a natural and commanding leader of men, put a lot of retards to death. Retards just like my next guest, Arnold Lumiere of Benton Harbor. Arnold, what...

HEY MAN!

Yes? Yes, what is it, Arnold? You have something to say?

LISTEN I DON'T GET INVOLVED IN POLITICS. YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT RELIGION AND YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT POLITICS. BUT I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

What?

WHAT?

What did you want to tell us?

OH!

Well, go ahead.

UH...GOD BLESS THE U.S.A.! AND AMERICA! IN AMERICA! FAGGOTS!

Good thoughts, Arnold! You're the reason we do all this.