LUDIC LOG

Which side you on? Which motherfuckin' side you on? Choose carefully...the fate of the nation is at stake.

1. I think the U.S. war against Iraq was:

(a) justified.
(b) not justified.
(c) fictional.
(d) expensive.
(e) entertaining.

2. The environment is to humans as women are to:

(a) rapists.
(b) penis enlargers.
(c) elves.
(d) analogies.
(e) Larry Flynt.

3. Lynching, to me, is:

(a) due for a comeback.
(b) a sad reminder of America's racist past.
(c) the guy who owns the Chinese restaurant on the corner.
(d) the topic of many a Toby Keith song.
(e) fine, as long as it's only used on people darker than me.

4. I believe President George W. Bush:

(a) no matter how much it might appear he is lying.
(b) sucks.
(c) has a funny name.
(d) if he says he doesn't think democracy is that important.
(e) because he gave me $300.

5. The ultimate arbiter of human interaction should be:

(a) Jesus.
(b) mutual respect.
(c) me.
(d) contracts.
(e) killed.

6. I tend to vote:

(a) Republican.
(b) Democrat.
(c) for the best man, or the guy with the funniest-sounding name.
(d) if someone pays me.
(e) even though it's a big waste of time.

7. My idea of a perfect country is:

(a) America.
(b) Canada.
(c) Freedonia.
(d) Montana.
(e) Antarctica.

8. My feelings on abortion are:

(a) best expressed by shouting.
(b) identical to those of that girl at the co-op I'm trying to bang.
(c) that abortion should be mandatory.
(d) found somewhere in Atlas Shrugged.
(e) closely tied to ownership of a vacuum cleaner repair business.

9. The lesson of the Soviet Union is:

(a) communism doesn't work and socialists are the same as Nazis.
(b) not relevant, because that wasn't "real communism".
(c) you can always make a good living as a mail-order bride.
(d) capitalism is always better than socialism, no matter how shitty things get.
(e) unclear, but boy, how about those chicks in t.A.T.u., huh? Whoooo!

10. My political philosophy is best described as:

(a) heartless.
(b) ridiculous.
(c) funny.
(d) greedy.
(e) invented on the spot.

Scoring: hopefully, you simply selected the answers you hoped would conform to the political philosophy you already have. This is good, because political philosophy is about making ideas conform to your already-existing prejudices. If you did not do this, please consult your favorite ideologically-driven radio show, web site, newspaper, or raving street lunatic until you are able to answer questions without thinking about them.