LUDIC LOG

"Hey, dude."

"What?"

"Are you ripped? I am so ripped."

"Nah. I figure there's plenty of time to drink afterwards. I am really baked, though."

"No shit?"

"Yeah. I sparked up in the car ride over here."

"Man! With all those cops around? You took a chance."

"Nobody even looked at me, dude. It was awesome."

"Cool."

"So..."

"Yeah?"

"Dude, do you remember Tony DiMello?"

"Oh, fuck, yeah! Mellow DiMello! How could I forget?"

"Speaking of getting baked."

"No shit! Man, that guy always had the choicest shit. He was like...like...he was like that dude, that dude that Sean Penn played in Fast Times at Ridgemont High."

"Oh man."

"What was that dude's name?"

"I can't remember. It's right on the tip of my tongue."

"Me neither! I mean, me too!"

"Man, this is gonna bug me all day now if I don't remember it."

"You know what else about DiMello?"

"Huh."

"He loved the ladies."

"No lie."

"I mean, that guy was drowning in trim. It was so wierd."

"What?"

"What what?"

"Why wierd?"

"Well, just because I always assumed he was a faggot, you know? Because he was skinny and weedy and had that kinda lispy voice."

"Plus he dressed like a woman."

"Right."

"Especially when he was really ripped."

"That don't necessarily make you a fag, though, man. They have a lot of dudes who dress up like chicks, and they just like to do it, but they aren't fags. They like to stick it to chicks just like you and me. They even have a name for it."

"No shit?"

"SPICOLI!"

"A dude who dresses up like a woman is called a spicoli?"

"No, that's who Sean Penn played in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Spicoli."

"Oh, right! Right!"

"Man, it totally just came to me."

"So what do you call a dude who dresses like a woman?"

"I cant remember. A transvesture? Something like that."

"Dude, we should just call it a DiMello. After Tony."

"Haw! We totally should! Like, look at all those DiMellos coming out of that fag bar!"

"Mostly what I remember about him though was the good times. The good times and the weed."

"He wasn't much of a drinker, I remember that."

"Are you kidding? I saw the dude put back a whole bottle of Goldschlager, a bunch of times."

"Yeah, but he could never hold it down. He always puked."

"That's true. He was a puker."

"Hey, man, what's up?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, everyone's leaving."

"But we aren't done yet!"

"I know!"

"Man, I was afraid this would happen."

"What? Why?"

"Aaaah, I dunno. Before, Mrs. DiMello said something about wanting a 'traditional' eulogy. Whatever that means."

"Hey, we're celebrating his life up here, people!"

"Who knew Randy better than us?"

"Tony."

"Right."