LUDIC LOG

We all knew this day was coming, didn't we, kids? The Ludic Log has attempted to bring you quality content for over 6 months with only the barest revenue stream from the banner ads above, but the harsh realities of the post-bubble economy have forced us to devote every other day's space to commercial advertising. We apologize for this inconvenience and hope that you won't be too inconvenienced by the transition. And now, on with the ads!

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In today's fast-paced, 24-hour, wired, wild world, you can get pretty frustrated. When the pressure builds up, you need to take a break -- before something breaks! Isn't it about time you treated yourself? Piss On a Bum For A Dollar. With seven convenient locations in the Chicagoland area alone. A publicly traded company (NASDAQ: POB$)

Pissing on bums is a licenced and bonded activity, to be coordinated only by qualified professionals. Like practicing medicine, dispensing drugs and piloting a commercial aircraft, bum-pissing may only be performed by a professional bum-pisser or under the strict supervision of a professional bum-pisser. Do not attempt to piss on a bum on your own; not only is it dangerous, but it is a Class C misdemeanor punishable by a $75 fine. If you wish to piss on a bum please only do so with the aid of one of the many fine bum-pissing companies in the greater metropolitan area, such as Piss On a Bum for a Dollar, the Urine-Soaked Hobo Corporation, Rummy H. Goldenstream's Homeless-Soaking Fun Center or Wee Willy Wee Wee's Wino World. Thank you.

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Hi, folks. I'm ex-big leaguer Joe Noe. The wear and tear of the daily grind can really get you down, and there's nothing like a little pep-me-up to get you through life. That's why Sorry Pharmaceuticals (formerly Happy Pharmaceuticals) was so pleased to bring you Zap-O-Gloominex, the pep pill for peppy people, and its sister product, Zap-O-Tiguenol For Seniors, the pep pill for peppy pappys. Zap-O-Gloominex was a big success for Happy Pharmaceuticals, breaking all previous sales records for over-the-counter energy-boosting narcotics, before the reports of all those misshapen babies started trickling in. Well, folks, when that trickle became a flood, Happy didn't just stand by and do nothing. Despite the appealing possibility that these mutant children, or at least the ones that survived, might become genetic supermen, we understand peoples' concerns for the safety of their children. That's why we've changed our name to Sorry Pharmaceuticals, and removed almost 90% of the defect-causing agents from the Zap-O-Gloominex line. Because we care...we're Sorry.

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We've become a nation of cynics! That's right: reliable publications from Reader's Digest to Newsweek tell us that too many Americans have become infected with the plague of cynicism that's tearing our country apart! So Bumperstick Technologies, the people that brought you "Kiss My Flag" and "Hug My Cat", are introducing the "I'm a Happy Guy" line, a new series of personalized tees that show the world you're not a cynic. Here's some examples:

"I'M A HAPPY GUY FOR CHEESE"

"I'M A HAPPY GUY FOR OUR PRESIDENT"

"I'M A HAPPY GUY FOR WATCHING DOGS FUCK"

"I'M A HAPPY GUY FOR POKEMON"

"I'M A HAPPY GUY FOR SMILING CONSTANTLY"

"I'M A HAPPY GUY NOT FOR TERRORISM"

"I'M A HAPPY GUY FOR KILLING DRIFTERS AND DUMPING THEIR BODIES IN A DRAINAGE CULVERT WHERE THEY WILL NEVER BE FOUND"

Bumperstick Technologies. Changing the world...one torso at a time.