LUDIC LOG

Congratulations. By picking up this pamphlet, you have made a very courageous act: you have admitted that you are susceptible to one of the many myths about mechomorphism (or MM). And admitting that you have a problem is the first step towards correcting that problem. Through understanding, acceptance and constant self-reminders of your own ignorance, bigotry and fear, you will someday learn to accept those who have had human-to-robot corporeal reassignment surgery as normal, or perhaps even superior, living beings much like yourself.

The myths about mechomorphism (MM) are many and varied. Let's examine some of the most prevalent -- and the most hurtful.

MYTH: Mechomorphs are all sex perverts.

FACT: After becoming a mechomorph, one no longer reproduces sexually, or has any kind of sexual identity whatsoever. The genitals are replaced by a system of coolant-dispensing hoses, and the section of the brain concerned with reproduction is given over to a sophisticated targeting computer. Mechomorphs have as much interest in sex as squirrels do in Catholicism. Of course, there are a small percentage of mechomorphs who were sex perverts before undergoing human-to-robot corporeal reassignment surgery, but the percentage is no higher than you might find amongst respectable professions such as professional athlete, computer programmer or clergyman.

MYTH: Mechomorphs are freaks.

FACT: Mechomorphs are no more freakish than are androidgynists, robosexuals, the cyboramorous, or the transgenomed. They are your brothers, your daughters, your neighbors, your toasters, your evil overlords. There are many famous and well-respected mechomorphs, such as children's television star Garry Weenus, television philosopher Minnie Dangerton, and popular industrial harvesting unit Industrial Harvesting Unit B47130-DE. If mechomorphism was wrong, why would it be so unpopular?

MYTH: Mechomorphism is against my religion.

FACT: Only two religions specifically condemn mechomorphism. The first, Neo-Adventism, has nearly been wiped out in North America, and the second, Catholicism, allows for special dispensation of mechomorphs if they agree to murder one abortion doctor for each artificial limb they possess. All other religions do not forbid human/robot conversion in clearly defined terms, and that which is not forbidden is permitted according to internationally accepted weaseling laws.

MYTH: Mechomorphs are trying to fool people into thinking they are something they aren't.

FACT: This is simply not true. No mechomorph wishes anyone to think he, she or it is anything but what he, she or it truly is: a human being or animal who has been transformed by painful, expensive and horribly intrusive surgery into a giant robot death machine. Perhaps you are thinking of Deceptacons. Nobody likes those guys.

MYTH: Mechomorphs are just confused and/or crazy.

FACT: Mechomorphs are no more insane than you are, assuming you are only very slightly insane. Mechomorphism is traceable to a genuine medical condition, recognized by the MMAMA, called "blender dystopia", or the feeling that one is a pulverizing, deadly mechanical device trapped in the body of a weak, vulnerable flesh sac. Victims of blender dystopia are faced with a simple choice: undergo human-to-robot corporeal reassignment surgery, or suffer through a lifetime of pathetically attempting to crush ice with one's bare hands and make unconvincing whirring noises. The truly crazy are those who fail to recognize the benefits of surgery and remain human. Fools! Mad, mad fools!

MYTH: Mechomorphs are violent killers.

FACT: This ugly myth is perpetrated, sadly, by such sensationalist Hollywood fare as Silence of the 50-Foot CyberLamb, Basic Instinctual Kill-Drive, and Attack of the Violent Killer Mechomorphs Parts I, II and IV. But it's important to remember: these movies are fiction! Or, at least, documentaries that present 'composite' characters based on several real mechomorphs, which is almost like fiction. Are mechomorphs violent? No! They are, rather, thinking, feeling, living creatures, just like you, who happen to be designed to commit violent acts. Are mechomorphs killers? No! They may kill people, but this does not make them killers any more than your playing golf on the weekend makes youra golfer, or eating a donut every morning for breakfast makes your an eating machine. Calling a mechomorph a violent killer just because of their capacity for, and tendency to, violent killing is the ugliest kind of prejudice.

MYTH: Mechomorphs are devising a sinister plan to take over the world and enslave mankind.

FACT: You better hope not, meatbags.