LUDIC LOG

A young white suburban couple are sitting in front of their fireplace admiring a CD jewel box. The young man, who has wooden hair and is wearing a cream-colored cable-knit sweater, speaks, in mellifluous, non-threatening tones.

HE: Do you love the blues, but not the bleak and pessimistic worldview that comes with it?

Lite, cleaned-up Chicago-style electric blues blares in the background as the young man's companion, a blonde who is wearing a purple sweater made out of artificial fibers, sets aside a glass of 'blush' wine and speaks.

SHE: Are you crazy for that Mississippi delta sound, but can't stand the depressing lyrics?

HE: Then rush right to your phone or computer, and order your copy of Haven't Got Any Blues Blues, the new album by C.O.B.B., the Cautiously Optimistic Blues Band.

Cut to a shot of the band, all of whom are white and none of whom would look particularly out of place on stage or in the audience at Yanni's concert at the Taj Mahal. The lead singer is a John Popper-style tub of guts in a bluesy, 'artistic' hand-painted beret and a multicolored sweater-vest. He growls into a mic to the accompaniment of barely credible electric blues.

I been down so long
I say baby, I been down so long
That it's inevitable that a period of relative comfort will surely follow

SHE: Yes, C.O.B.B. gives you all the wail with none of the fail, all the grooves with none of the groan.

I say my woman done left me
But I'm hopin' that she'll think better of it later
Yeah, my woman done left me
But I'm hopin' she'll change her mind
I say she done left me so lonely
But, after all, there's plenty of other fish in the sea

HE: C.O.B.B. is new blues for realistic people.

I been drinkin' since morning
I think I'll stop before it negatively effects my well-being

SHE: Haven't Got Any Blues Blues is jam-packed with such level-headed, emotionally appropriate hits as "Workin' in the Coal Mine 'Til I get My Associates Degree", "I Got the Blues So Bad I Nearly Lost Sight of the Transitory Nature of My Problems", "My Baby Gots Perspective", and "Upbeat Cheerful Maybe Things Ain't Quite So Bad As They Seem Blues".

Help me, Jesus
Of course, I'm only speakin' metaphorically
Oh, help me, Lord
Of course, I say this in a purely speculative way
'Cause I know if you're really up there
You almost certainly have more important things to worry about

HE: From the people that brought you Gup-E., the gay black interior design consultant who's also a hardcore gangsta rapper, comes C.O.B.B., the Cautiously Optimistic Blues Band. Buy it today! Because nobody ever said the blues had to be sad. Or at least, if they did, we weren't listening.

Been so lonely
But I ain't gonna die
Been so lonely
But you know it ain't so bad
All I need is to relax and get out more
And I'll have the best time I ever had