LUDIC LOG

Dear Mssrs. D., Face and Bill:

Thank you for applying for Federal Communications Corporation approval for your single, "Still". As you anticipated in your rather strongly worded submission letter, the FCC's Standards & Practices department has a number of objections to the language used therein. Below, find our censor notes, which should be seriously considered prior to release.

Line 1. Statement of band's comeback compared to resurrection of Christ. OBJECTIONABLE CONTENT: possibly religiously offensive; word "ass" not acceptable for airplay.

Line 2. Hardness of group compared to priapic male organ. OC: word "erection" not acceptable for airplay.

Line 5. Listeners are exhorted to become deceased and are said to be of poor quality and objectionable habits. OC: word "motherfucker" not acceptable for airplay.

Line 15. Group member said to be expert on topics on familiar to listeners in an academic context. OC: see #5.

Line 16. Group member said to have familiarity with topics not included in academic materials. OC: word "shit" not acceptable for airplay.

Line 17. Group member sees recently-discharged handgun of unidentified person. OC: violent reference to guns not suitable for youth market; also, see #5.

Line 18. Previously unidentified gunman now identified by offensive racial slur, and is described as having been recently deceased. OC: word "nigga" not acceptable for airplay.

Line 19. Vague prediction of violent death for listening audience. OC: see #5.

Line 20. See #5.

Line 21. Easily angered dwarf characterizes self as engaging in murderous rampage. OC: word "fuck" not acceptable for airplay.

Line 23. Dwarf exhorts entire population of planet to engage in intercourse, threatens homicide of same. OC: see #21.

Line 26. Group member threatens battery of unidentified persons for reasons he cannot adequately explain. OC: see #5.

Line 28. Group member threatens ominous but unspecified violence against listeners who exhibit calm and control. OC: see #5.

Line 33. Group member threatens cleaving of the buttocks of those who dare confront him. OC: see #1.

Line 34. Unidentified person accused of being the product of out-of-wedlock birth. OC: word "bastard" not acceptable for airplay.

Lines 35.-38. Listeners are warned that interference with group members a less preferable choice than immersing selves in scalding molten rock; group member warns that he is in possession of unspecified item that will cause incontinence; widespread death of listeners urged. OC: see #s 1, 5, 16 & 21.

Lines 39.-42. Group member requests information on how many listeners are armed and willing to engage in murder of strangers. OC: general, but see also #s 1 and 18.

Lines 43.-46. Unidentified African-American said to have tuberculosis; group member claims to have shot him just prior to his death, thus causing victim to weep profusely. OC: possibly offensive to people with tuberculosis, and see also #s 5 and 18.

Lines 47.-50. People of color criticized for lack of killing skills; angry dwarf threatens them with dismemberment. OC: see #s 1 and 18. Also see People vs. Dracula as regards liability for violent acts encouraged by consumer goods.

Lines 51.-54. General threats of abuse, including murder, torture, death, and loss of hat. OC: word "bitch" not acceptable for airplay; see #1, 5, 16, 18, and 21 inclusive.

In light of these numerous violations of standards & practices, as well as due to the many threats contained in the submission letters from you, your agents, your managers, and your producer, we must deny your request for approval, notwithstanding your claim that we should "S-H-U-C-K a D-I-C-K". We are, however, confident that with only the smallest changes to language, your song will be approved and become a chart-topping hit.

Yours,

Michael Powell