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Inside: Cultural Sausage. ~ Ludic Lists. ~ Skullbucket. Outside: Thanks to Claire and all the readers for a
swell time at Funny Ha Ha last night, and happy Mexican Independence
Day!
"rhyme with eleven" "Knights of Columbus initiation what happens secret ceremony" "board of directors Ford Jews" "steer racing" "missy get big cock" "this fascist kills machines" "what kind of underwear do priests wear?" "picture of an ugly man in swimming trunks" |
09.16.2004
The
world today is a violent place. Terrorism, war, genocide and
bloodshed are in the headlines every day. But in the rush to find
a culprit -- drugs? a turning away from religion? video
games? -- no one has considered the most obvious suspect of all: national anthems. In nearly
every nation on Earth, the song meant to embody everything dear and
sacred to the national character of its citizens is more bloody and
hostile than a Geto Boys best-of CD. Take a look at this ongoing
series from the Ludic Log, and judge for
yourself: before we have another UN intervention, international
treaty or trade agreement, might we not consider a massive program of
anthem reform? First off: Africa. Country: Algeria Dangerous lyrics: "blood" (x2), "revolt" (x2), "destroys", "die", "gunpowder", "machineguns", "dead", "battlefields", "martyrs". Notes: First alphabetically, first in violent imagery. Initial two lines of song mention "lightning that destroys" and "streams of generous blood being shed". Country: Angola Dangerous lyrics: "died", "revolution", "march", "fighters", "oppressed", "fight" (x2). Notes: Oft-repeated line "By our work we build the New Man" adds distressing Frankensteinian quality to anthem. Country: Benin Dangerous lyrics: "battles", "blood", "anger", "hate". Notes: First verse of anthem suggests that ancestors of modern-day Beninites really, really liked to fight. Country: Botswana Dangerous lyrics: "fame". Notes: One of the most cheerful national anthems, containing pleas for peace and sexual equality as well as two occurences of the word "happy". Country: Burkina Faso Dangerous lyrics: "humiliating", "bondage", "rapacity", "subjugate", "cynical", "malice", "neo-colonialism", "resisted", "sweat", "blood", "acquisition", "death", "conquer", "revolution" (x2), "firearms", "flame", "fetters", "polluting", "exploitation", "injustice". Notes: Most depressing anthem in all of Africa combines wierd sado-masochistic imagery with hardcore Marxist jargon. Country: Burundi Dangerous lyrics: "wounded", "bruised", "shield". Notes: Actually a pretty positive, progressive, decent anthem, but contains unlikely wish that the country's name "ring out through the universe". Country: Cameroon Dangerous lyrics: "tears", "blood", "sweat". Notes: Generally a pretty pacific anthem, and the only one which urges "regret for errors of the past" -- or, in fact, even admits the possibility of errors. Country: Cape Verde Dangerous lyrics: "sweat", "pain", "struggle". Notes: Many, many references to fruit. Country: Central African Republic Dangerous lyrics: "subjugated", "scorned", "reconquer", "poverty", "tyrrany". Notes: For a song that starts out "Oh, Central Africa! Cradle of the Bantu!", this anthem feels pretty sorry for itself. Country: Chad Dangerous lyrics: "conquered". Notes: Actually not that bad (conquest reference is to soil). Does, however, contain rather cocky line "May your neighbors admire your children". Country: Comoros Dangerous lyrics: "blood". Notes: In the anthem, the country is called Comoria. What's the story here? Country: Congo Dangerous lyrics: "fight", "die". Notes: Last verse ends with existential "If we have to die, what does it really matter?" Country: Congolese Democratic Republic Dangerous lyrics: none. Notes: Very forward-looking anthem for a country that was until recently ruled by one of the most brutal dictators in African history. Country: Djibouti Dangerous lyrics: "thirst", "pain", "blood". Notes: Lyrics appear to be in praise of Djibouti's flag, but damn with faint praise: "The flag which has cost us dear with extremes of thirst and pain". Country: Egypt Dangerous lyrics: "foe", "war", "we give our lives for thy sake". Notes: Contains thirty-six repetitions of the word "homeland". Country: Equitorial Guinea Dangerou lyrics: "Behind us are two centuries of colonial domination". Notes: Unfortunately, not much here to distinguish the anthem from those of all the other Guineas on the continent. Country: Ethiopia Dangerous lyrics: none. Notes: Bizarrely overwritten song contains awkward lines like "Respect for citizenship is strong in our Ethiopia" and "Firm in foundation, we do not dismiss humanness". Country: Eritrea Dangerous lyrics: "oppressed", "vindicated", "sacrifice". Notes: One of the newest nations on the continent is obviously feeling a bit defensive, as anthem opens "Eritrea, Eritrea, Eritrea/her enemy decimated". Country: Gabon Dangerous lyrics: "perfidious". (Use of "warfare" and "hatred" are negative references.) Notes: Only anthem which urges the banishment of sorcerers. Country: Gambia Dangerous lyrics: none. Notes: Terribly written anthem with lyrics of pure doggerel, but at least it's non-violent. "Adapted from the traditional Mandinka song 'Foday Kaba Dumbuya' by Jeremy Frederick Howe". Country: Ghana Dangerous lyrics: "strong" (x2), "defend", "oppressors", "might", "arms", "strength". Notes: Reference in last verse to "Black Star" indicates the flag of Ghana, not the rap group of Mos Def and Talib Kweli. Country: Guinea Dangerous lyrics: "died". Notes: Lyrics seem to imply somewhat boastfully that all of Africa was freed by the efforts of the Guineans. Country: Guinea Bissau Dangerous lyrics: "sweat", "pain", "struggle". Notes: For some reason, Guinea Bissau has the exact same anthem as Cape Verde. Country: Ivory Coast Dangerous lyrics: none. Notes: Extremely polite national anthem speaks of the importance of setting a good example for the rest of the countries nearby, and describes the Ivory Coast as the "country of hospitality". Country: Kenya Dangerous lyrics: "shield", "defend". Notes: With lyric "service be our earnest endeavor", anthem writer seemed to wish lifetime of catering to obnoxious tourist safaris on his brethren. Country: Liberia Dangerous lyrics: "strong", "defending", "benighted". Notes: Contains lyrics "Green be her fame", whatever that means. Country: Lesotho Dangerous lyrics: "conflict", "tribulations". Notes: Napoleon complex of tiny nation evident in line "Lesotho, land of our fathers, you are the most beautiful country of all." Country: Libya Dangerous lyrics: "plots", "aggressors" (x2), "oppressed", "weapons", "defend", "enemy", "army", "destroy" (x2), "gun", "repulse", "killed", "kill", "woe", "treacherous". Notes: One of Africa's most violent anthems ends with the lines "seize the forehead of the tyrant/and destroy him!". Country: Madagascar Dangerous lyrics: "decay". Notes: Mentions God an awful lot. Country: Malawi Dangerous lyrics: "hunger", "disease", "envy", "enemy", "war". Note: Middle passage of anthem, with florid nature imagery and reference to "refreshing mountain air", is eerily reminscent of an air freshener commercial. Country: Mali Dangerous lyrics: "enemy", "die", "ramparts", "fight", "march". Notes: Odd blend of militance and progressivism urges "happiness through effort". Country: Mauritius Dangerous lyrics: none. Notes: Short, inoffensive and boring, but at least it has lyrics, unlike the anthem of nearby Mauritania. Country: Morocco Dangerous lyrics: "blood", "fire", "champion". Notes: Song claims that the wind in Morocco stirs up the fire in one's mouth. Country: Mozambique Dangerous lyrics: "gun", "struggle", "imperialism", "fight", "struggling", "exploitation", "tomb". Notes: Makes a big deal against struggling against the bourgeoise. Only African anthem to specifically mention a political party (FRELIMO). Country: Namibia Dangerous lyrics: "fight", "blood". Notes: Violent imagery of anthem unsurprising, given long colonization of country by Germans. Country: Niger Dangerous lyrics: "blood", "armed", "burning". ("Slaying with a lust to kill" is preceded by "not", but still seems problematic.) Notes: Lyrics point out the difficulty of confronting "ferocious and treacherous animals" with hardly any weapons. Country: Nigeria Dangerous lyrics: "obey". Notes: Strangely, has line reading "help our youth the truth to know" rather than much snappier "help our youth to know the truth". Country: Rwanda Dangerous lyrics: unknown, since I was unable to find a translation of the lyrics, but "rukaduhuza" sounds pretty suspect. Notes: I feel certain that the translated anthem contains references to slaughtering thousands of your countrymen with machetes. Country: Sao Tome & Principe Dangerous lyrics: "warriors", "war", "weapons", "flame", "combat", "struggling" (x2), "conquering", "crusade", "peril". Notes: Anthem brags that Sao Tome & Principe is "the happiest nation on earth" and talks awfully tough for a little island with only 150,000 people on it. Also is only anthem to repeatedly use the word "dynamism". Country: Senegal Dangerous lyrics: "gloom", "terrors", "sword" (x2), "hatred", "weapons", "violates", "evil", "death". Notes: Song begins with reference to mysterious red lion, then becomes confusingly sexual with lines like "tamer of the bush", "gather the chicks", and "we are a straight people". Country: Seychelles Dangerous lyrics: none. Notes: The least objectionable of all African national anthems. Country: Sierra Leone Dangerous lyrics: "might", "right" (they rhyme!) Notes: Generally unobjectionable; claims with slight tone of resentment that the people do all the work and the nation gets the glory. Country: South Africa Dangerous lyrics: "wars", "strife". Notes: Only anthem encountered which makes reference to "echoing crags". Country: Sudan Dangerous lyrics: "death", "hardship", "pain", "we give our lives as the price of glory". Notes: Current volatile situation in Darfur no suprise in a country whose anthem features "We are the army of God" in its first line. Country: Swaziland Dangerous lyrics: none ("deceit" and "malice" used negatively). Notes: Lyrics totally suck up to the king. Country: Tanzania Dangerous lyrics: "shield". Notes: Extremely simple national anthem which reads like it was written by a six-year-old. Country: Togo Dangerous lyrics: "struggle", "death", "burning", "treachery". Notes: Contains upsetting line "Victory or death -- but dignity". Country: Tunisia Dangerous lyrics: "defenders", "blood", "fire, "die" (x2), "might", "traitors", "defend", "death". Notes: A typical national anthem insofar as it suggests that the sole purpose of its citizens is to line up and die happily for the glory of the country. Contains angry meteorological couplet "Let the heavens roar with thunder/let the thunderbolts rain with fire". Country: Uganda Dangerous lyrics: none. Notes: Surprisingly, song does not mention at any point Idi Amin Dada having his enemies slaughtered and then eating them. Country: Zambia Dangerous lyrics: "struggle", "fight". Notes: Best line: "Zambia, Zambia, Zambia!" Country: Zimbabwe Dangerous lyrics: "We praise our heroes' sacrifice/and vow to keep our land safe from foes". Notes: Song features exhortation "May our leaders be exemplary" and rather desperate-sounding pleas for rain. |
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| TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD: "To obtain a man's opinion of you, make him mad." (Oliver Wendell Holmes) |