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Inside: Cultural Sausage. ~ Ludic Lists. ~ Skullbucket. Outside: A few minor additions to the Ludic Lit section
of the site, where can be found my writings elsewhere on the internet.
"PAINT YOUR TEETH Jandek" "voluntary amputation" "super crime girls in trouble press release how to" "drunking party" "eolic energy ads" "101 hard cocks" "hot babes in costume" "freezer rhymes" |
09.17.2004
The
world today is a violent place. Terrorism, war, genocide and
bloodshed are in the headlines every day. But in the rush to find
a culprit -- drugs? a turning away from religion? video
games? -- no one has considered the most obvious suspect of all: national anthems. In nearly
every nation on Earth, the song meant to embody everything dear and
sacred to the national character of its citizens is more bloody and
hostile than a Geto Boys best-of CD. Take a look at part 2 of
this ongoing
series from the Ludic Log, and judge for
yourself: before we have another UN intervention, international
treaty or trade agreement, might we not consider a massive program of
anthem reform? Next up: the Americas. Country: Antigua & Barbados Dangerous lyrics: "danger", "fear", "hate", "poverty", "battle". Notes: Anthem contains injunction to gird one's loins. Country: Argentina Dangerous lyrics: "mortal", "chains", "die". Notes: After a mind-numbing repetition of the phrase "We salute the proud peoples of Argentina", song ends with typical exhortation to defend nation or die in the process. Country: Bahamas Dangerous lyrics: "march" (x3), "treacherous". Notes: Line "See how the world marks the manner of your bearing" and plea to hold one's head up high suggests the Bahamas are a sort of sovereign finishing school. Country: Barbados Dangerous lyrics: "wanton". Notes: Aside from graphic image of forefathers "sowing seed", a generally harmless one. Country: Belize Dangerous lyrics: "tyrants" (x2), "despot" (x2), "blood", "slavery", "oppression", "armor", "invader". Notes: First verse of this ultra-violent and homoerotic anthem contains reference to "oppression's rod", declaration that "our manhood we pledge" to liberty, and curious but heartfelt desire that "no longer shall we be hewers of wood". Country: Bolivia Dangerous lyrics: "longings", "servile", "martial", "horrible", "clamor", "war", "die" (x4), "slaves" (x3), "humiliated", "warriors". Notes: Contains no less than three iterations of the notion that a Bolivian would like nothing better than the chance to be horribly slaughtered rather than surrender to invaders. Country: Brazil Dangerous lyrics: "die", "death", "fight", "cudgel". Notes: Undoubtedly the most flowery national anthem, with lots of three-dollar words like "placid", "bosom", "limpid", "resplendent", "intrepid", "colossus", "idolized", and "fleuron". Country: Canada Dangerous lyrics: none. Notes: One of the best anthems going, though I am assured that the French version is a lot loopier and contains lines like "soaked in faith". Country: Colombia Dangerous lyrics: "fear", "painful", "invincible", "groaning", "chains", "died", "blood". Notes: Contains reference to "bathing in blood", but, surprisingly, not in the context of cocaine trafficking. Country: Costa Rica Dangerous lyrics: "battle", "weapons". Notes: High point is machismo-soaked sequence "If anyone should attempt the besmirch your glory/you will see your people, valiant and virile/exchange their rustic tools for weapons". Second national anthem so far to contain the word "limpid". Country: Cuba Dangerous lyrics: "battle" (x2), "death", "die", "chains", "dishonor", "ignominy". Notes: Violent imagery less surprising than total lack of Marxist rhetoric. Country: Dominica Dangerous lyrics: "fear". Notes: Actually one of the nicest anthems yet encountered, lyrically speaking; ends with mousquetarian "All for each and each for all!" Country: Dominican Republic Dangerous lyrics: "invincible", "war", "death" (x2), "warlike", "deadly", "menace", "chains", "slavery", "indolent", "servile", "slave", "indomitable", "enslaved", "virile". Notes: Even more sobering when you consider that 50 years ago, they were singing this song about us. Country: Ecuador Dangerous lyrics: "blood" (x2), "sacrifice". Notes: Appearance of the word "breast" slightly distracts you from yet another numbing repetition of the 'we're all super-eager to die for our country' theme. Country: El Salvador Dangerous lyrics: "stern", "vile", "disloyalty", "blood", "hateful", "atrocious", "tyranny", "bloody", "Spartan", "self-denying", "infamous", "intrigue", "battle" (x2). Notes: Exceptionally grim anthem containing depressing line "Her history is bloody and sad". Country: Grenada Dangerous lyrics: none. Notes: An anthem so completely harmless that it just further shows what a joke Reagan's invasion of the country was. Country: Guatemala Dangerous lyrics: "profaned", "cruel", "slaves", "submit", "yoke", "tyrants", "deride", "foreign invasion", "conquer or die". Notes: Almost all the above words are used in a negative sense, but still. Country: Guayana Dangerous lyrics: "bones", "sacrifice", "bondsmen". Notes: One assumes the reference to "those who laids their bones on your shores" is not to Jonestown. Country: Haiti Dangerous lyrics: "march", "traitors", "toil" (x2), "die" (x2). Notes: Given that Haiti is the poorest country in the western hemisphere, it is not surprising that the line "To die is a fine thing!" occurs twice. Country: Honduras Dangerous lyrics: "death", "die" (x2). Notes: Extremely pornographic middle passage compares founding of the country to despoiling of an Indian maiden approached while sleeping by a sailor who proceeded to kiss the hem of her skirt. Country: Jamaica Dangerous lyrics: "evil". Notes: Stoners throughout America will be shocked to discover national anthem of Jamaica is not "One Love". Country: Mexico Dangerous lyrics: "war" (x8), "sword", "cannon" (x2), "tremble", "profane", "enemy", "soldier", "blemish", "blood" (x5), "terrifying", "yokes", "armed", "necks", "trample", "horrid", "ruins", "warlike", "battle", "tomb", "give their last breath". Notes: One of the most demented, bloodthirsty anthems going, as evidenced by raucous singing of this gory anthem all this week during the Mexican Independence Day celebrations. Country: Nicaragua Dangerous lyrics: "cannon", "blood" (x2), "stain" (x2). Notes: Not as bad as it sounds, though still pretty bad. Looks better in comparison to Mexico. Country: Panama Dangerous lyrics: "warlike", "hammer". Notes: Sounds a lot better coming out of Van Halen. Country: Paraguay Dangerous lyrics: "oppressed", "unhappy", "anger", "fighting", "martial", "shattered", "death", "tyrants", "slaves". Notes: Predictable combination of bloodthirsty and depressing, closing with a chorus that begins "Paraguayans, republic or death!" Country: Peru Dangerous lyrics: "oppressed", "ominous", "chain", "cruel", "serfdom", "solemn", "moaned", "indolence", "slave", "humiliated". Notes: This is the legacy of imperialism: anthem after anthem of morbid, gloomy, whiny lyrics. Country: St. Kitts & Nevis Dangerous lyrics: "strength", "struggle", "sword", "spear". Notes: Dude, lighten up. You're St. Kitts & Nevis. Country: St. Lucia Dangerous lyrics: "strife", "battled", "discord", "toil", "woe", "harm", "arms". Notes: St. Lucia is a tourist paradise, and it's got an even more lamentable, depressing anthem than St. Kitts. Country: St. Vincent & the Grenadines Dangerous lyrics: none. Notes: Finally, a tropical island with an anthem that reads like a vacation brochure. Other countries could take a lesson from St. Vincent & the Grenadines. Country: Suriname Dangerous lyrics: "fight" (x2), "death". Note: Suriname sounds like it should be in Asia, and the lyrics seem to reflect this sense of geographical confusion, with the resigned, baffled-sounding lines "Wherever our ancestors came from, we should take care of our country". Country: Trinidad & Tobago Dangerous lyrics: "fires". Notes: Touching pleas for racial harmony seem out of place in the blood-and-death-soaked imagery of most American anthems. Country: Uruguay Dangerous lyrics: "tomb", "die", "inflaming", "fight", "cry", "dying", "tyrants", "tremble". Notes: Wins the America's Cup for most boring repetition of claim that all citizens will be butchered fighting for the freedom of the homeland; contains lines "Let tyrants tremble" five times, "in dying, we cry for (freedom)" five times, and variant on 'freedom or death' three times in the first verse alone. Country: United States of America Dangerous lyrics: "perilous", "fight", "ramparts", "rockets", "bombs", "foe", "dread", "war", "desolation", "conquer". Notes: Americans who have long lamented the multitude of violent imagery in their anthem can at least rest easy know that it's not as bad as Mexico. Country: Venezuela Dangerous lyrics: "yoke", "chains" (x2), "trembled", "vile", "selfishness", "hovel", "oppression", "tyranny", "bonds". Notes: Contains lines "Let's cry out loud/down with oppression!", which it's hard not to picture being sung by James Brown. |
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| TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD: "The only thing to know is houw to use your neuroses." (Arthur Adamov) |