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Inside: Cultural Sausage. ~ Ludic Lists. ~ Skullbucket. Outside: Site
redesign coming soon! I swear it!
"suck boobs in San Francisco" "nostalgia for the 1950s" "Supergirl naked" "bar fight in fable" "sexy tunics" "sinners in the hands of an angry God" "what's truly remarkable about Martin Luther King" "preparing smoking banana peels" |
09.26.2005
The Bongiorno Jimmy's story begins all the way back in September of 1991. It was then that six men, their attorneys, a $2,600,000 startup investment, several bank loans, and an IPO scheme decided that there were a lot of institutional-grade convenience dining establishments, but there weren't enough institutional-grade convenience dining establishments, and in particular, there were no institutional-grade convenience dining establishments that those six men and their attorneys happened to own. Six months later, that oversight had been corrected. But it wasn't all about dollars and sense. While we assure you, the potential Bongiorno Jimmy's share-nurturer, that we have been a consistently profitable nutritional operation facility since our third year in business, we are also steadfastly committed to our mission of providing tasty, technically nutritious products to each and every one of our millions of drive-through and enter-and-leave guests throughout New England, the upper Midwest, and the Florida Panhandle coming soon. Because there was more lacking in this market segment than just profits for our board of directors. Lots more. Before the golden age of the early- to mid-1990s, when Bongiorno Jimmy and their instantly classic corporate spokes-icon, Criceto Pazzesco the Pasta Hamster (formerly Roditore Eccelente the Organ-Grinding Rat, prior to the letters, health code problems, and various lawsuits, which were all settled at minimal cost) first came on the scene, there were no restaurants that combined authentic Italian peasant cooking with genuine Midwestern friendliness and hospitality. There was nowhere you could go to satisfy your craving for pizza slathered with mayonnaise, Potato Cakes Puttanesca, or wine-flavored milkshakes. Delicacies like veal and meatballs came with intimidating foreign names and confusing, utensil-heavy serving presentations, not in handy pressed nugget form with free marinara-style dipping sauce. And if you wanted your pasta formed into rings and deep-fried for on-the-go convenience, well, you just had to do it at home. Bongiorno Jimmy's changed all that. We brought the worlds of fine Italian cuisine and industrial food design together. We proved that you don't have to have a vowel at the end of your last name to make money selling pizza. And we used our inspiration and know-how to combine taste, nutrition and hand-held portability into something we call "delition" -- and it shines through in every product we sell, from our industry-best-selling Pizza in a Cup to our Sicilian-Style Egg Roll Fingers, to our new line of low-carb Various Sausage Wraps. There's not a rule we haven't broken (other than health code rules, since 1998) in our quest to be the most successful franchising operation we can be. We didn't listen when they said gazpacho couldn't be served hot, with ground beef, and also that it was Spanish and not Italian. We didn't listen when they said you can't be "old-timey" and also make the most of recent advances in frozen meal reconstitution technology. And we know that you won't listen when some conservative know-nothing financial analyst calls us a "junk stock". Welcome to the big, well-fed family of Bongiorno Jimmy's share-nurturers. And remember our old Italian family motto: "I valori di azionario correnti non sono un indicatore delle prestazioni future!" |
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| TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD: "When it has happened to thee to be unfortunate...remember the saying of Euripides and then wilt thou be more easy: 'There is no man who is happy in every way.' Then imagine thyself to be one of the great crowd of mankind." (Phillipides) |