ADVENTURES IN REFERRAL a daily assortment of random
search engine queries leading people to the Ludic Log in the past 24
hours
"super
morons"
"fuckeroo"
"peruvian ecuadorian stereotypes"
"scrambled heroin"
"dufus origin"
"white people gone crazy"
"what's the chemical name for artificial cherry flavoring?"
"Chelsea Clinton stalker"
"Sally Struthers private detective"
"catchy anarchy slogans"
10.02.2006
Shot: Dark
room. Cast, standing with arms crossed, moving pan. Stern
expressions as they look up at the camera. Menacing tone plays on
soundtrack.
ANNOUNCER'S V.O.: "NYPD Blue" did it
for the police department.
Shot:
Conference table. Jim throws
his pen angril across a legal pad. He glares at a stern-looking
agend of the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, who grips his own
legal pad in a menacing fashion. The two stare each other
down.
ANNOUNCER's V.O.: "L.A. Law" did it for the legal
profession.
Shot: Late night in Trina's
house. Her daughter Judy stands framed in the bedroom door,
holding a teddy bear and weeping silently. Lit only by the screen
of her laptop, Trina pores over an Excel file and makes occasional
notes on a legal pad. She bites her lip -- in guilt? In
concern?
ANNOUNCER'S V.O.: "Boston Public" did it for
the schools.
Shot: Carl is sitting in a richly appointed
waiting room. He glances at his watch and checks his briefcase to
make sure he has a clipboard and a legal pad. Exchanging a look
with the pretty Latina receptionist, he smiles politely. He waits
some more, and glances at his watch.
ANNOUNCER'S V.O.: Now, NBC presents the show that
will bring real stories, real people, and real problems to one of the
most high-pressure occupations in the world. It's true, it's
street, it's as good as it gets -- and for the first time, you'll be
inside the world of the institutional banking profession, with "SAN DIEGO BANKING".
It's...sexy:
JANELLE: Dammit, Jon! You're talking about
an industrial loan company! What do you think we are, some kind
of Harley-riding rebels? We're a federally chartered financial
institution, not some kind of state-chartered, non-FDIC-insured rogue
outfit.
JON: I know, baby. And I don't care.
JANELLE: But -- but, you know as well as I do,
FDIC-insured entities are subject to Sections 23A and 23B of the
Federal Reserve Act, which limits bank transactions with affiliates,
including the parent company! You can't just place financial
instruments this powerful in the hands of a non-financial...
JON: We can go cross-country with this. It's
permitted by many states on a reciprocal pasis. We're chartered
in Utah, Indiana, Nevada...take your top off and I'll tell you about
Hawaii.
JANELLE: Oh, God, yes.
ANNOUNCER'S V.O.: It's...sassy:
MARGARETHE: No way! Did you see this memo
from Stanford on reserve requirement guidelines?
TONI: Like I ever read memos from Stanford that
aren't about people taking my Lean Cuisines.
MARGARETHE: It's like the guy has never heard of a
qualifying DDA/NOW account definition of eligibility on
interest-bearing checking accounts. Hasn't he read Regulation Q?
TONI: Honey, I don't know. I just know it's
Friday night, and there's half-price mojitos at Jazztini's and I'm
going to put the moves on that new guy in Home Mortgage
Disclosure. Who are you gonna ask?
MARGARETHE: I was thinking Hanley, the junior VP
in Pass-Through Insurance.
TONI: Uh, don't bother.
MARGARETHE: What? Why?
TONI: Talk about Regulation Q.
ANNOUNCER'S V.O.: It's...street:
KATE: I don't care how they do things on the South
Side, McCullers. Here at the Point Loma branch of the Bank of the
West, we follow rules.
EDMOND: Man, screw that! I got a bitch
putting fifteen grand in my good graces, the general availability rules
start to look all blurry, namseen? That US Treasury check gone be
available, reasonable period of shareholder aggregate amounts or not.
KATE: But Exception Hold Reg CC 12 CFR 229.12(e)
is ironlad, McCullers. I'm not taking the fall for you or your
little ghetto friends.
EDMOND: We had a name for punk-ass jive like that
back on the South Side, Kate. That name was...risk-averse.
(Music sting)
ANNOUNCER'S V.O.: Coming this fall on NBC: "San Diego Banking". Finally,
television brings you a money shot.
"I
think there's great potential for autonomy, but we
have to remember that we live in a world where people may have free
will but have not invented their circumstances."
(Thomas Frank)