LUDIC LOG

"I don't really appreciate what you did. I want you to know that."

"What?"

"The way you behaved, just now."

"I thought you liked it. I mean, I know it was our first time, and I still haven't mastered the anatomy, but you said..."

"No, no. It was fine. I'm talking about the things you said."

"What things I said? I didn't think I said anything."

"You called out the name of other females."

"I'm sorry?"

"You should be."

"No, I meant...when did I call out the names of other, other women?"

"Several times you said the name 'God'. And once 'Jesus'."

"Oh! Ha. Those aren't women's names."

"So they are men's names! I thought as much. The way you walk, I should have known."

"No, no. You don't understand. Those aren't people at all. Those are the names of deities in the religion local to the place where I was born."

"That's not what the universal translator said. It said they were proper names, of people."

"Well, they are, in a way. But...listen, that universal translator isn't all that it's cracked up to be."

"It is not broken. I know what it said."

"No, I mean that it isn't...it can't pick up on subtleties very well. I promise you, God and Jesus aren't really people. They're local deities."

"So...you were praying while we made love. I am not sure if that makes me feel any better than if you had been calling out the name of a man."

"He's not...look, I wasn't really praying. I just...we say the names of our celestial creators during sex."

"I thought you said you were an atheist."

"I am! I didn't do it because I believe in God. It's just a habit."

"A habit? How do you acquire such a habit? Are you somehow sexually fixated on religion?"

"No. Hell, no."

"Hmm."

"All right, bad choice of words. But I'm not."

"Are you taught, when you are young, to associate your faith with sexual intercourse?"

"Well, not unless you're Catholic."

"What?"

"Never mind. Look, it's just a thing that we do, where I'm from. Don't your people do anything like that during sex? Talk dirty, or call out the names of your deities, or anything?"

"As you should have clearly seen, we simply respirate excessively through our shoulder crevasses. There's nothing dirty about that."

"All right. It's just a cultural difference, see? Nothing to make a big deal out of."

"All right."

"Do you forgive me?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"Mmmmmmm."

"Uh..."

"What?"

"What do you mean, the way I walk? What's wrong with the way I walk?"

"Well...you walk like a woman. Or, rather, a little girl."

"I do not!"

"Yes you do. You walked like I did when I was nine sun-spans old."

"I...wh...hmph."

"Relax. Let us sleep, my love. On my homeworld, it is considered quite attractive and desirable for a man to have a young girl's gait. It is said to be indicative of great sexual prowess."

"Really? It is?"

"Uh, sure."