LUDIC LOG

Sure, it was all my fault. When it started out, at least. What can I tell you? I really liked Kevin Spacey. I thought The Usual Suspects was a great movie. I thought he was fantastic in American Beauty. It's a classic film. And, yeah, I admit, I thought he was a good-looking guy. Not exactly my type, really, but, you know. I had pictures of him, posters and stuff. I wouldn't call it a shrine. But I liked him. Does that make me a bad person?

And, you know, all the critics, or wise-asses, or whatever you want to call them, they make it out like I invited all this. Like I somehow planned to be in the Subway that day talking about Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (which I still happen to think is a very underrated movie) when that writer from Letterman just happened to be there at the same time. Like I stalked the guy and deliberately had a really animated conversation that day. Get over it, losers. Like if I went away you wouldn't all have something else to complain about. It was just a coincidence. It's the sort of thing that happens all the time. What was I supposed to do, say no? To a chance to be on TV? Anybody else would have done the same thing.

How was I supposed to know, you know? They always ask if you had your life to live over, would you do the same thing? I never know how to answer that, because I don't have my life to live over. But hell, yeah, it was cool. I got my name in the papers. All of the sudden I was a running gag on TV. People who didn't know me would come up and say "Spaceman! What's up, Spaceman? How's Kevin Spacey?" Or they would call me "The Guy Who Wouldn't Shut Up About Kevin Spacey", which is not a name I was crazy about, but it's better than Edwin, which is my real name. They even arranged to have me meet him, which, at the time, was a really cool thing to do.

You can't really fault me for the talk show. It was right around the time digital cable was making a big splash, and there was a pile of airtime to be filled. They might as well have put me on. The Spaceman Show wasn't any worse than a lot of other crap that got on the air back then. I mean, Jules Asner had her own talk show. Why aren't people out there making fun of her? No, let's pick on the guy who really liked Kevin Spacey. Because that's such a big crime. What the hell did people expect, that I'm going to turn down my own show? You have no idea the kind of money they paid me to sit there, make a few gags about K-PAX, and talk to James van der Beek for 15 minutes. I guess all the smart guys thought I should just go back to working at Moto Photo. They're lucky there was no Spaceman network. Believe me, the possibility was discussed.

Did I want to base my whole public image on Kevin Spacey? Of course not. Did I want to be "The Guy Who Wouldn't Shut Up About Kevin Spacey"? No. Did I like people asking me about Kevin Spacey when I was tring to buy ibuprofen or taking in a tennis match? I don't think so. But what else could I do? By this time everybody expected it. There was nothing I could do but live up to their expectations. It's like that guy, Drum Guy, who beats the drums at Cleveland Indians games. He's been doing it for 30 years. He probably is totally sick of it by now. But what's he gonna do? He's Drum Guy. I'm the Spaceman. I may not like it, but that's who I am. Christ, I don't even like Kevin Spacey anymore. He hasn't made a good movie in ten years.

God, I hope he doesn't find out I said that. We're supposed to have dinner on Friday night.

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