ADVENTURES IN REFERRAL a daily assortment of random
search engine queries leading people to the Ludic Log in the past 24
hours
"teeth
plaque conspiracy metallica"
"gotta get over the hump"
"fuck a chaldean"
"testicles images"
"lyrics containing the word genocide"
"napkin folding tits"
"stupid superpowers"
"which U.S. city has the lowest average I.Q.?"
"male locker room jerkin"
"nixon jews hippies"
10.09.2006
Blogging safety is no accident. When
a week of web-logging is up,
and we take a look at the big "0" on the ACCIDENTS/INJURIES report, we
know that's the result of hard work, paying attention, and an attentive
staff of conscientious bloggers. We're in our sixth week of injury-free
blogging, so we know the message is getting through; but we'd like to
take this opportunity to remind you of a few basic "DO"s and "DON'T"s
that will make all our lives a little safer.
1. DO keep your
eyes at least three inches away from the monitor at all times. Contrary
to popular myth, images on a computer screen actually get harder
to see when you're very close, not easier.
2.
DON'T type with only one hand. This is sinful, dirty and can lead to
carpal tunnel syndrome. If you have only one hand, consider aquiring a
helper monkey.
3. DO report all injuries, in your blog if
possible. Keeping an injury secret might keep our numbers down, but it
only hurts you in the long run. A post as simple as "I have
accidentally jammed a pencil in my eye! Please help!" can do a world of
good.
4. DON'T blog in bed. It's bad for your back, your hands,
your elbows, and your prose style. Also, there have been reports that
some people are resting the monitor on their chest or crotch. It should
go without saying that this is extremely hazardous.
5. DO
report damage to power cords to your supervisors immediately. The
shower of yellow and blue sparks is hypnotically pretty, but it's also
very dangerous!
6. DON'T play with your food. Drinking in front of your monitor
is fine; drinking out of your monitor is very risky.
7.
DO give yourself time to get up and walk around. Taking a break from
sitting in front of your computer is not only good for you, but you
might see something you could blog about.
8. DON'T break your
monitor open with a bowling ball while it's still plugged in, then
reach through the jagged shattered glass with your hand to see if elves
live inside. Come on, people. And if you, like so many others, have
done this already, DON'T do it again!
"A 'modern' man has nothing to add to
modernism, if
only because he has nothing to oppose it with. The well-adapted drop
off the dead limb of time like lice."
(Elias Canetti)