Many young men, especially of military age or facing a prison sentence, ask themselves:  am I right for the priesthood?  But in the modern era, with its spiritual confusion, its endless temptations, and its lawsuits that are easier than ever to win, perhaps the more important question is:  is the priesthood right for me?

Becoming a priest isn't as easy as just buying a mail-order vestment and finding an inner-city parish that doesn't lock its doors.  It requires just much more work than becoming a fry cook at McDonalds, just as much work as becoming a volunteer infantryman, or slightly less work than getting an education degree from your local community college.  And the priesthood is a calling, a lifetime commitment -- it's not just a way to evade your debts or excuse your sexual unattractiveness anymore.  You may have heard that priest must be very religious; it's true -- but they have to not only be religious, but also have to be Catholics.  And there is a certain other thing about priests that we're not allowed to mention, but if you enjoy this thing, you might want to consider a different vocation.

But more than the surprisingly stringent reqirements of a life devoted to God, you, the reader and potential solution to the priesthood shortage, may wish to consider if being a footsoldier of God is really the right career for you, or just a phase you're going through, like another thing we're not allowed to mention.  Take this brief quiz, and you'll be well on your way to learning if you'll be wearing your collar backwards anytime soon.

1.  I believe the Pope is:
(a) infallible.
(b) Catholic.
(c) wrong, wrong, wrong.
(d) .

2.  The prospect of never having sex with anyone as long as I live fills me with:
(a) revulsion.
(b) relief.
(c) happiness.
(d) lust.

3.  My ultimate career goal is to become a(n):
(a) architect.
(b) billionaire.
(c) archbishop.
(d) pornographer.

4.  Ministering to the needs of others makes me feel:
(a) horny.
(b) enraged.
(c) bored.
(d) satisfied.

5.  Most of my free time is spent thinking about:
(a) prelapsarianism.
(b) masturbation.
(c) Lou Pienella.
(d) androids.

6.  Thoughts of taking sexual advantage of underage boys are:
(a) perfectly ordinary.
(b) sinful.
(c) awesome.
(d) easily suppressed by heavy drinking.

7.  My favorite writer is:
(a) Tom Clancy.
(b) the Marquis de Sade.
(c) Saul of Tarsus.
(d) Graham Greene.

8.  Celibacy and chastity are:
(a) the same thing.
(b) not the same thing.
(c) basically the same thing.
(d) for me.

9.  I would most like to spend my time:
(a) performing weddings, baptisms, christenings, confirmations and last rites.
(b) shooting insurgents.
(c) performing black masses.
(d) doin' it.

10.  The person I most look up to is:
(a) my father.
(b) my heavenly father.
(c) Batman.
(d) Sinead O'Connor.

That's it!  Just hand this completed quiz to your local parish priest, and he'll instant-message you to let you know if you have a future in the priesthood.  Thanks for your interest, and thanks for choosing Catholicism, the choice of God-lovers for 2000 years!

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