LUDIC LOG

Hello, friend.

I call you friend, because that's what you are. You are the Ludic Log's oldest and dearest friend, and that's not something to be taken lightly. Friendship carries vast responsibilities; and when a friend has been there from the beginning, like you have for me, that makes those responsibilities even more profound. You have a responsibility to check this page on a daily basis, as I have a responsibility to update it with crypto-amusing anecdotes, stories and ineffectual political screeds. It's in the fire of these dynamic interactions that our powerful friendship is forged.

Now, there are plenty of other people who claim to be a friend of the Ludic Log. There are even those who wear an attractive tin badge, machine-crafted in Paraguay, that reads "Friend of the Ludic Log" (a gift for all those who have donated $5,000 or more to the Sponsor a Web Log for a Day program). And there are those who even purport to be in my "inner circle". May I be blunt? I feel that I may, because of the depth and profundity of our personal relationship. Those people are not friends of the Ludic Log. They are well-wishers, acquaintances, peers. Some are mere namedroppers. Some rise to the level of fair-weather friend. A select few are people who have written me checks in six-digit amounts for the privilege of receiving a reciprocal link on this page. These people I like to call patrons, benefactors, or suckers (named after the list on which their contact information is kept). But friends? Never. Never friends. Because the Ludic Log has only one great and true friend: you.

We have gone through our bad patches, it's true. There was the time you said my font made me look fat. There was the time that I called you a hideous, unkempt meat-sack who would be better used as food for underpaid Mexican laborers. There was the time you thought your mother's funeral was more important that reading the funny story I wrote about the Incredible Hulk winning the lottery. But because of the power of friendship, we've come back from these hurtful interruptions stronger than ever. I know you meant "healthy", not "fat", and I know that your mother would have wanted you to tell me how great you thought my story was, instead of wasting your time crying. Friends have the power to forgive.

And so, friend, I want to thank you. Yes, me thanking you! It seems incredible, I know, after all I've done for you. But if you think about it, you've done a lot for me as well. You've helped me artificially increase my hit rate. You've let me use your servers to store pornography when my computer was being repaired. You've provided me with an audience intelligent and sophisticated enough to appreciate exactly how brilliant I am. You've made me feel good about myself by making lots of errors I can correct. And you've kept quiet about that little incident with the governor of South Dakota, and if you're smart, you will continue to do so. It's a testament to the strength of our friendship, as well as what a good person I am, that I'm willing to take the time to point out all the good things that I've helped you do, and the wonderful person I've allowed you to become.

There's no need for you to thank me. That's what friends are for.

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Don't you forget about the first annual Ludic Log Reader Participation Event. Write up a fictional diary entry by a member of the Bush administration and e-mail it to me. I'll post them here and everyone will smile.