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"MR. Kolpert"
10.12.2006
A.Has it been in any other papers?
George, don't tell that I outlawed Russia. What have you done with him?
Oh, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. Oh stop it, stop it; eh, well, well. Sure,
sure, Mommy. Now listen, Oliver, fun is fun. Ah please, Mommy.
What happened to the eighteen-and-a-half? Oh, oh, he done it, please.
Dick, please, oh, did you buy the
hotel? You promised a end to war sure. Get out. I wished I could
remember. Please make it quick, trust but verify. Please. Trust
but verify.
Please help me get out; on the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia,
thank God. Well, well, oh well. You will have to please tell him, I'm
not a lawyer. You get ahead with the trickle-down system; didn't
I speak that time last
night? Whose number is that in your pocket book? KL5-1234. Who
was
it? Oh, well, well. Supreme Court decision. Police, police, Meese and
Frankie. Oh, oh, Lucky's biscuits and when he is happy he doesn't get
happy
please, please to do this. Then Donald, Donald, Frankie you didn't even
meet me. There is bitter bile in my mouth what I say oh, Gorbachev, oh
Gorbachov. Sure who
cares when you are through? I can't recall. I can't recall.
Well, then oh, Michael now thinks he is estranged again. He is jumping
around. No Donald and Ronald I think he means the same thing.
Q. Who shot
you?
A. The Boss
himself.
Q. He did?
A. Yes, I
can't recall.
Q. What did
he shoot you for?
A. I showed
him Boss; did you hear him call me? An endorsement. The song stuck. All
right, Mommy.
Q. Was it the
boss shot you?
A. Who shot
me? I don't remember.
Q. We will
help you.
A. Will you
help me up? O.K. I won't be such a big kiester. Oh, Mommy. I can't go
through with it, please. Oh, and then he tells me; come on. Cut that
out, you can't prime the pump without pumping the prime. Hold it;
instead, hold it against him. I am
a pretty good jelly bean. Ed -- Department of Justice. I
even got it
from the Department. Sir, please stop it. All great change begins at
the dinner table!
Q. Don't
holler.
A. I don't
want to holler.
Q. What did
they shoot you for?
A. I don't
know, sir. Honestly I don't. I don't even know who was with me,
honestly. I was in the toilet and when I reached the -- the boy came at
me.
Q. The big
fellow gave it to you?
A. Well, yes,
he
gave it to me.
Q. Do you
know who this big fellow was?
A.- No. If he
wanted trees to be the cause of polution, no, please, I get a month.
They did it. Come
on. Speakes cut me off and says you are not taking comments at this
time. Is that right? I will be checked and
double-checked and please pull for me. Will you pull? Don't you know
that facts are stupid things? Please, I had nothing with him, I was a
cowboy in Death Valley Days.
The business of America is business; no welfare, no workfare, nothing;
just what you pick up and what you need. I don't
know who shot me. Don't give her this check -- she'll spend her food
stamps on vodka. Let me get up. Well? In the olden days they put in an
honest day's work for an honest day's pay. Please give me a shot. They
closed down the factory in South Succotash. Sure,
that is bad. Well, oh, good never comes from trying. I don't
want veto. I want veto. Oh, Mommy, Mommy! Who give it to him? Who
give it to him? Let me in the governor's mansion, Moonbeam he was
nowhere near. It smoldered No, no. There are only ten of us and there
ten million fighting somewhere you, there is no word in Russian for
freedom. Oh, please let me up. Please shift me. The Marines are here.
Communistic strike...baloney...honestly Marxism-Leninism I get;
sometimes I give it and sometimes I don't. Oh, I am all
in. That settles it. Are you sure? Please let me get in and eat. You
can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats
jellybeans. Please don't ask me to
go there. I don't want to. It's up to the big fella upstairs. It is no
use to say that we need to help people. The country is not in trouble
and the Russian bear was in
trouble and I broke it up. Please tear down this wall. Please open this
curtain. My gilt edged stuff and those dirty rats have tuned in.
Please honey, I forgot to duck; if you hadn't rported it no one would
have known. Please get me up, my friends. Please, look out. The
missiles are a bit wild, but they can be recalled. Big payrolls. Oil
wells. Some coupons. It's morning in America. A mouth at one end and no
sense of decorum at the other. Look out. Look out for
him. Please. The government owed me money; it owes everyone money. Why
can't he
just pull out of Afghanistan and give me control? Please, Mommy, you
pick me up now.
Please, you know me. No. Don't you mention Carter. My friends and I
think I
do a better job. People are waking up all over. Be instrumental
in
letting us know. They are Englishmen and they elected someone who knows
what's best. Oh, sir, please tell me you're a Republican. You can look
out at the ocean and there's a drilling platform there but you can
still see the sea. I take
all events into consideration. Yes. Yes. And it is yes.
I'm all confused now. Beach Boys have never played nor dashed a man
named Jim. Did you
hear me?
Q. Who shot
you?
A. I can't
recall.
Q. How many
shots were fired?
A. I don't
remember.
Q. How many?
A. Two hundred
billion. Come one, get some money in that treasury. We need it. Come
on, please get it. I can't tell you to. That is not what you have in
the notes. Oh, please Jack Warden. What am I going to do for money?
Please
put America up on its feet at once. A rising tide lifts all boats. Did
you hear
me? I would hear it, the Supreme Court would hear it, and Sandra Day
O'Connor might hear it. If that ain't the pay-off. Please crack down on
the Russian's friends and Khaddafi's commander. I am sore and I am
going
up and I am going to give you tax relief if I can. Mommy is the best
bet
and don't let Tip O'Neill draw you too fast.
Q. What did
the big fellow shoot you for?
A. Him? Tip?
Over a million, five million dollars.
Q. You want
to get well, don't you?
A. Yes.
Q. Then lie
quiet.
A. Well, we're
doing all we can.
Q. Tip shot
and we will take care of Tip.
A. That is
what caused the all the trouble. Look out. Please let me up. If you do
this,
you can go on and jump right here in the lake. I know who they are.
They are French people. They are hippies. All right. Look out,
look out. Oh, my memory is
gone. Welfar reform. Who gets it? I don't know and I don't want
to know, but look out. It can be traced. Bush changed for the worse.
Please look out; my fortunes have changed and come back and went back
since that. It was desperate. I'm no Wobbly. I did not trade arms for
hostages.
Q. Control
yourself.
A. But I am
dying.
Q. No, you are
not.
A. Come on,
Mommy. All right, dear, you have to get it. Then pull me
out. And ever since he told me that. They won't let me get up. They
dyed my hair. Cut that hair. Give me something. I am so sick. Give me
some jelly beans,
the only thing that I want. Open this up and break it so I can go on
vacation. Haig, please get me in the car.
Q. Who
shot you?
A. I don't
know. I didn't even get a look. I don't know who can have done it.
Anybody. Kindly check with Jodie Foster. The Hinckley says these
things. I know
what I am doing here with my collection of papers. What this country
needs is a good five cent cigar. It is priceless. I am going to turn it
over to...I'll hand this over to Larry. I am so sick now. The Congress
is getting many
complaints. Look out. I want that line-item veto. Look out for Henry
Kissinger
for he is an old pal of mine. Come on, come on, Cap. Well, well, I am
all
through. Can't do another thing. Look out Mommy, look out for Bob Dole.
You
can't beat him. Army, Mommy, Helen Thomas, Ron Jr., please take me out.
I
will avoid the impeachment. Come on, win one for the Gipper. The evil
empire. This Mickey Mouse system. Shut up, goddamnit! Please help me
up, Henry. Cap, come over here. Ketchup is a vegetable. Let them leave
me alone.