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The Ludic Log's management is moving to a new apartment in beautiful Chicago.  Updates might be sporadic but we shall try our best.

 
ADVENTURES IN REFERRAL:
a daily assortment of random search engine queries leading people to the Ludic Log in the past 24 hours

"anthrovore"
"Goatman horrible ass"

"I'm a boy who wears tights"

"fragging British army"

"President Millard Fillmore crazy"

"bunny dies every masturbate"

"She-Ra naked"

"ass munch"

"Ripper is a gangster"

"photoplay computer inside"

LUDIC LOG
10.13.2004

Hello!  Welcome to Chapter Three of the English-Freedonian Language Immersion Program.  In this chapter, we will be dealing with Nuance.

In English, "nuance" is the word to describe a slight variation in literal meaning that casts a statement in a new light. The people of the English-speaking world are not fond of literalism and prefer to draw their nuance and euphemism from such diverse sources as television programming, television advertising and the wondrous world of the imagination.  It is not that English speakers do not like to be frank; indeed, even the most casual acquaintance met on a bus or in a bakery queue will say things that you have perhaps only heard previously in the rattling gurgle of a dying sailor.  It is that they do not like to say these horrible things directly. 

For your first lesson, please refer to the following examples of common Freedonian phrases and expressions and their correct English equivalents.

WRONG:  "Please describe to me the location and disposition of your penis."
RIGHT:  "Hey, pal, how's it hangin'?"

WRONG:  "Your inferior intelligence renders you incapable of grasping my meaning."
RIGHT:  "Hel-lo!"

WRONG:  "I require a nutritional operation that fits my meagre income and impatient lifestyle."
RIGHT:  "McDonalds!  I'm lovin' it!"

WRONG:  "I was unable to perform sexually with my partner."
RIGHT:  "That bitch went all fuckin' psycho on me, man."

WRONG:  "Killing you would be enjoyable."
RIGHT:  "Go ahead, make my day."

WRONG:  "Each day I live in mortal fear of another man glimpsing my genitals."
RIGHT:  "Don't ask, don't tell."

WRONG:  "I have lung cancer."
RIGHT:  "Welcome to flavor country."

WRONG:  "I have nothing to say."
RIGHT:  "OMG LOL!!!!!!1!!!"

WRONG:  "I hope we will be paid for the dull work we perform here."
RIGHT:  "Another day, another dollar."

WRONG:  "Please perform fellatio upon me."
RIGHT:  "I am the senior vice-president of marketing."

WRONG:  "My obligation to you as a human being has now ended."
RIGHT:  "Have a nice day."

WRONG:  "I am unable to mount a defense to your argument."
RIGHT:  "You forgot Poland."
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TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD:  "Never underestimate the power of simple courtesy.  Your courtesy may not be returned or remembered, but your discourtesy will." (Princess Jackson Smith)