Fresh shots of ironic disaffection.


 

                  
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Yes, obviously, I am writing this before the results of the election are clear.  Thanks for pointing it out just the same.
 
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LUDIC LOG
11.02.2004

"What kind of name is that, anyway?  Badnarik."

"I'm not sure, sir."

"It sounds foreign.  It sounds Russian.  That's more wierd than Putin."

"I can't..."

"You told me people with funny names never win national election, Karl."

"Sir, the polling data we have suggests that..."

"Fuck your polls, Karl.  Fuck your polls.  I want to know why I'm not President anymore."

"You lost the election, sir."

"I know that.  I'm not stupid.  Save that stuff for the press.  I know I lost, okay?  I want to know, A, why I lost, and B, why I lost to some guy I've never even heard of."

"No one is more surprised by this than me, sir."

"You!  You're the one responsible for this, you goddamn son of a bitch.  You told me you'd made a concerted effort to encourage people to vote for these...these fringe parties or whatever they are.  You planned it this way.  It's all your fault!"

"Sir, you have to understand -- that was part of a concerted effort to help you win the election.  No third party has ever taken the presidency.  We absolutely thought the strategy would help diffuse the votes that would otherwise have gone to Senator Kerry, and let you win an easy victory."

"And what happened to that strategy, Karl?"

"Well..."

"I'm waiting."

"Well, it would appear to have backfired."

"Yeah, I'd say it backfired pretty goddamn good."

"Look at the bright side, sir."

"What's the bright side, Karl?  Tell me the fucking bright side."

"Well, he's a Libertarian, sir."

"What does that mean?"

"Essentially, he's on our side.  Sort of.  I mean, it's better than if Nader had won."

"Great."

"Yeah."

"So what are we supposed to do now?  I guess I have to concede.  Where's the phone?"

"Actually, there's a bit of a hiccup there, sir.  We, er, we can't find him."

"What?"

"Apparently Mr. Badnarik didn't think he had much more of a chance at winning than we did and he's, er, he's taken a vacation in the Bahamas."

"Do you think there's any chance we could just tell everyone we won before he comes back and says something?"

"None, sir.  It's been all over the papers already.  I'm sure he'll give us a call when he comes back."

"When's that?"

"Three weeks."

"Jesus Christ."

"Well, look at...er."

"Oh, another bright side?  Fine.  What's this one?"

"It's not costing you anything this time.  In fact, you might take a trip to the Bahamas yourself."

"How's that going to look to the voting public, Karl?"

"That's not really your problem anymore, sir."
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TODAY'S DRIFTWOOD:  "Be not intimidated, therefore, by any terrors, from publishing with the utmost freedom whatever can be warranted by the laws of your country, nor suffer yourselves to be wheedled out of your liberty by any pretenses of politeness, delicacy or decency.  These, are they are often used, are but three different names for hypocrisy, chicanery and cowardice." (John Adams)